THE PATH OF RELATIONSHIP

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life I'm excited about sending it out. Within a few hours I start to wonder about next letter and whether people will like it. Is it going to be good enough? Because of this concern I procrastinate and wait until last minute to start writing next letter. Underlying this version of fear of rejection or fear of failure is question "am I good enough?" We all have that fear in some form or other usually stemming from an incident in our youth. Let me share with you when it started for me.

I was away from home for first time at UC Berkeley. There is always someone you meet that you look up to who seems to have all answers. Mike Breen was that guy for me. I had just turned 17 and at 19 Mike seemed to possess that wisdom and experience about girls that was missing in my life.

I remember defining conversation like it was yesterday.. "Mike what do you do if you meet a girl and you really like her and maybe even love her?"....And Mike coolly replied with that air of maturity and experience, "you tell her how you feel". I confusingly asked "What if she says she doesn't love you back?" That was one of my biggest fears and a few years later at end of my junior year I felt that pain of rejection when my girl friend Bobbi told me she loved someone else. I made decision that I would never feel that pain again so I avoided anyone who could hurt me like Bobbi did. By looking back and examining some of my old patterns I understand what I did to avoid possibility of experiencing this pain again.

One thing I did was to select partners who I knew did not fit my picture of person I wanted to be with. By finding enough faults with them I could keep them at a distance and eventually move on to avoid getting hurt. Another approach was to select a partner who was emotionally unavailable. They were hopelessly self centered, in other relationships or real afraid of intimacy because of same wounds that I had experienced. If I was really honest with myself it was obvious from very beginning.

How do we accept financial insecurity threatening our lives and our family? Rarely, can we skip over our painful feelings, wave a wand and create new employment in short order. Often, we want difficult life situations to be some other way.

Yet, if we resist accepting situation and our mixed bag of feelings we inevitably end up fighting ourselves and world. Acceptance is path back to peace.

As they say in big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Acceptance is answer to all my problems today... I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

We cannot force ourselves into peaceful acceptance. Coming to acceptance is often a volatile emotional journey occurring over time. To begin journey toward acceptance try letting go of analyzing or attempting to "figure out" "why's" of situation and seek trust.

Realizing every life experience has a purpose - even if beyond our knowing - helps pave way to acceptance. Just holding what we cannot resolve or understand within our hearts moves us closer to acceptance.

As we aspire toward acceptance of life's challenges, grace gifts us with a measure of comfort and solace.

"My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me. I cannot choose colors He worketh steadily. Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride Forget He sees upper and I, underside. Not till loom is silent and shuttles cease to fly Shall God unroll canvas and explain reason why. The dark threads are as needful in Weaver's skillful hand As threads of gold and silver in pattern He has planned."

Author Unknown