The Most Eloquent Speech I Ever Heard

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach

“This is Our Finest Hour?” “I Have a Dream?” No, nothing like that. This is a speech of 2 words I heardrepparttar other day.

I was in a hospital getting a chest x-ray, a prerequisite for surgery on my broken ankle. It’s been two weeks since it happened, two weeks full of pain, change, and coping. I’ve described how it happened, learned how to get aroundrepparttar 126168 house on crutches, visited doctors and labs, waited on x-rays, and asked neighbors to getrepparttar 126169 mail and groceries.

I’ve also been put throughrepparttar 126170 pre-op battery of tests – blood tests, EKGs, chest x-rays, and discussions with my doctor, who feltrepparttar 126171 best approach was surgery.

In my EQ Alive! program, which trains and certifies EQ coaches, I’ve participated inrepparttar 126172 weekly EQ Check In along withrepparttar 126173 students. We tell each other how we feel physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. We begin each teleclass that way, and listen closely torepparttar 126174 answers. EQ competencies include emotional expression, and also Integrated Self, being in touch with all aspects of yourself. Most of all it means not engaging inrepparttar 126175 meaningless, “How are you?” “Fine.”

In a shutdown and coping mode, I thought I was being realistic about how I was feeling. I said I was in pain. I said I was physically slow andrepparttar 126176 painkillers had dulled me mentally, and that spiritually things wererepparttar 126177 same as ever. What more was there to say? I never gave it a thought.

So there I was inrepparttar 126178 hospital. I’d been sent torepparttar 126179 wrong place and walked about ˝ a mile onrepparttar 126180 crutches to find that out. I was accepted, however, thanks torepparttar 126181 work of a nurse named Lupe with very high EQ who just pushedrepparttar 126182 order on through. And then, mercifully finally in a wheelchair, I’d been wheeled torepparttar 126183 x-ray waiting area and left inrepparttar 126184 hall.

As I sat there, a woman on a stretcher was wheeled up. I could tell she was sick. Her hair hadn’t been washed in a while and she had a nose tube for oxygen, and a tube in her arm. Her color didn’t look good and she barely moved. She reminded me of my dadrepparttar 126185 last time I saw him inrepparttar 126186 hospital. She was accompanied by two women. The first one went over to sign papers, andrepparttar 126187 other one walked off downrepparttar 126188 hall.

A technologist walked out towardrepparttar 126189 woman onrepparttar 126190 stretcher when I heardrepparttar 126191 speech that touched me so. I think she thought he was coming to take her intorepparttar 126192 x-ray room.

“I’m afraid!” she cried out.

“God love her,” I thought. “So am I!”

I tried to get out of my chair and go to her, butrepparttar 126193 technologist beat me to her. Speaking to her in her native tongue, Spanish, he rushed to her side, took her hand and started soothing her. “Abuelita,” he called her, “little grandmother,” a term of endearment. A nurse brought out a screen to give her privacy and she quieted.

She quieted and I thought: Why is it so hard to get to “I’m afraid”?

Of course I’d been afraidrepparttar 126194 whole time, fromrepparttar 126195 moment I heardrepparttar 126196 bones turn in my ankle. I started repeating, “Please don’t let it be broken, please don’t let it be broken.” There was no way to tell, and I was left with pain and fear.

Was it broken? Is this because my bones are getting old and this is justrepparttar 126197 beginning? Will this mean arthritis pain forrepparttar 126198 rest of my life? Willrepparttar 126199 insurance cover it? What on earth is my deductible? How can I ever manage this at home alone? Will it need surgery? General anesthesia? Will I survive it? Will they have to rebreak it like one neighbor says, and put in 6 screws likerepparttar 126200 other one says? What will happen?

Anger and you relationships

Written by Dr Tony Fiore

“Dr. Fiore,”repparttar voice onrepparttar 126167 phone pleaded, “I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it’s over until I get help.”

As Kevin recountedrepparttar 126168 first night of class, he and his girlfriend had argued inrepparttar 126169 car over which route to take home from a party. Events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling and name calling.

Things escalated at home. He tried to escape, but she followed him from room to room, demanding resolution ofrepparttar 126170 conflict. He became angry, defensive and intimidating.

Frightened, she left. Later, she left an anguished message saying that she loved him, but couldn't deal with his angry, hurtful outbursts.

Kevin said that he normally is a very “nice” and friendly person. But, on this occasion, his girlfriend had been drinking beforerepparttar 126171 party. In his view, she was irrational, and non-stop in criticism. He tried to reason with her, but it just made things worse. Finally, as Kevin saw things, in desperation he “lost it” and became enraged.

How should Kevin have handled this situation? What could he have done differently? What actions should you take in similar situations?

Option 1: Time-out Take a 20 minute time-out (but commit to returning later to work onrepparttar 126172 issue). Take a walk. Calm yourself down. Breath deeply. Meditate. Do something else for awhile. New research by John Gottman, Ph.D., atrepparttar 126173 University of Washington indicates that when you and your partner argue, your pulse rate goes above 100 beats per minute, and you enter a physiological state called DPA (diffuse physiological arousal). Once there, it becomes nearly impossible to solverepparttar 126174 problem. You lose perspective. Your reasoning ability, memory, and judgment, greatly decline.

Taking a time-out allows both of you to return to your normal state of mind.

It is neither healthy or necessary for you to explode as a result of being provoked by your partner. Our recommendation: Turnrepparttar 126175 heat down rather than intensifyingrepparttar 126176 pressure.

Option 2: Interact differently Many couples like Keith and his partner develop patterns of behavior that create miscommunication and conflict. Do you interact in one, or more, of these ways? Inattention - simply ignoring your partner when you shouldn’t. This is also called stonewalling, or being emotionally unavailable when your partner needs you, or not speaking to your partner for long periods because you are upset with them.

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