This article is a joke, ok? Just want to make sure you don't take me wrong! Gotta keep your trust for my serious articles... :-)

It's amazing that it took medical science this long to put it together.

The Western world has known ever since we first landed in tropics about how effective tape worms can be for losing weight. And we've tried so many diet pills that didn't work.

What took physicians so long to realize that a tape worm diet pill was best way to harness nature's power to fight unstoppable food cravings she gave us?

Tape Worm Diet Pills in History

Historians tell us that early explorers who witnessed power of tape worm diet in 18th century Mexico were so fit and svelte, they simply considered it an uncivilized oddity. In fact, famous Portuguese mountaineer and sea explorer, Gustavo DeMenthes (1732-1782?), wrote in his Jornal do Partido, "These unfortunate indians not only cannot read or write, but they spend most of day trying to convince us to eat their strange bread recipe called 'Oreos'."

Historians are divided on ultimate fate of DeMenthes, though rumor has it (according to his first mate) that he smuggled a large stash of Oreos back to Portugal, and went mad when he ran out. It is a matter of public record that he was once thrown in jail about 6 months after returning to Portugal. The record shows that original charge of 'Attempting to Steal His Majesty's Frigate' was dropped and changed to 'Public Intoxication'. He soon after disappeared altogether from Portugal.

The Tape Worm Diet Pill in Late 19th Century New York Modern historians think it more than a coincidence that man who introduced tape worm diet pill to United States came from Mexico and was named Henriques Dimintio. He probably was DeMenthes' great great grandson. Dimintio traveled all way to New York City to make a fortune off his 'Oreos'. He met a young, energetic French baker named John Nabis, who loved cookie and thought it had Great Market Potential.

Then Dimintio explained how Oreos went perfectly with his traditional tape worm diet pill. Nabis wouldn't hear of it- he didn't care if people got fat, he wasn't going to sell worms and food to them at same time! The two new friends had already a lot of Mexican tequila, so argument quickly became a scuffle. Result: 12 crushed oreos, 105 dead tape worms, and 2 estranged business partners.

1. Systemic Symptoms: Fever, dehydration, night sweats, weight loss (but losing more muscle than fat), low or no appetite, nausea, vomiting (these lead to wt loss), malabsorption, diarrhea from infection/parasites, and/or increased metabolic rate. 2. Sinopulmonary Disease: Pneumocystis pneumonia, other infectious pulmary disease, noninfectious pulmonary disease, sinusitis. 3. Central Nervous System (CNS) Diseases: Toxoplasmosis, CNS lymphoma, AIDS dementia, cryptococcal meningitis, HIV myelopathy, Progressive Multifocal Leukencephalopathy (PML) 4. Peripheral Nervous System Disease: Inflammatory polyneuropathies, sensory neuropathies, mononeuropathies 5. Rheumatologic Disease 6. Myopathy (muscle disease) 7. Retinitis 8. Oral lesions 9. Gastrointestinal: Candidal esophagitis, hepatic disease, biliary disease, enterocolitis, gastropathy, malabsorption Skin: Herpes simplex and zoster, molluscum, staphylococcus, bacillary angiomatosis Malignancies 10. Gynecological: Vaginal candida, cervical dysplasia and neoplasia, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

Research on Alternative and Chinese Medicine Treatments for AIDS

It's difficult to study treatments for AIDS because a high percentage of chronically ill patients drop out... their disease and study are usually too demanding for them. Nevertheless, some good studies exist. Herbs and herb formulas' effects as reported in studies are mentioned below. Others mentioned below may not have been studied. In both cases, chinese medical functions may be mentioned as well.

Chinese Herb Formulas for AIDS Treatment

The most common chinese herbal treatment strategy for AIDS is Fu Zheng, Supporting Righteous. That means boosting immune system, etc. This is most common because many AIDS patients are also on western drug cocktails. These drugs take quite a toll on body- among other things, they injure qi, create phlegm, and cause Liver-Spleen disharmonies. Fu Zheng therapies can help restore balance.

* HY-1: chai hu, huang qin, ban xia, ren shen, da zao, gan cao, sheng jiang, huang qi, fang feng. Based on Xiao Chai Hu T & Jade Wind. Harmonizes Liver and Spleen, Boosts Wei qi * HY-2: huang qi, fang feng, ren shen, huang jian or ye jiao teng or he shou wu, yin yang huo, shu di huang. Boosts Yin and Yang. * Milingwang: huang qi, ling zhi, dang shen, bai zhu, gan cao, shu di huang, sha shen, wu wei z, sheng jiang, da zao, ji xue teng, tu si zi, shan yao, jie geng, nu zhen zi, bai shao, chen pi. Boosts bone marrow, RBC, inhibits viruses (polio). * Resist: huang qi, nu zhen zi, dang shen, shan yao, ji xue teng, ling zhi, ren shen, bai shao, shu di, wu wei zi, siberian ginseng, gan cao. Increases red blood cells, white blood cells, B cells, hemoglobin, and phagocystic action of leukocytes.

The second most common treatment strategy is Qu Xie, Dispelling Evil. This is roughly same strategy that western drug cocktails use... what is commonly thought of as 'chemotherapy.' It can also be done with herbs. Sometimes it is even used in concert with drug therapy.

* HY-3: da qing ye, chai hu, lithospermum, gan cao, chen pi * HY-4: ban lan gen, zhi zi, blechnum, gan cao, chen pi. To reduce virus potency, alternate with other Qu Xie formulas to avoid tolerance, less specific than other forms) - Good for asymptomatic patients

Single herbs: zi hua di ding, xia ku cao, tian hua fen, huang lian, jin yin hua, chuan xin lian, niu bang zi, yin yang huo, zi cao, gou ji, guan zhong, qian li guang

Sometimes, both strategies (Supporting Righteous and Dispelling Evils) are used together.