Trend-watching--and, more precisely, observing our trend-watching--gives us tremendous opportunities to create awareness of traits we hope we have but are not sure we do. In fact, being frustrated, embarrassed, or depressed that we have succumbed to a trend is a perfect chance to discover what we value most.

It usually comes down to this: creativity and confidence. If we find ourselves buying that trendy little bag or those must-have shoes, that little voice inside us shouts “Sell-out!” and we start to feel that perhaps we’re not all we’d hoped to be. After all, a truly creative person would buy--or even make--something unique, and a confident person wouldn’t hesitate to go against current trend and head in a completely different direction, or choose to buy nothing at all.

And thus begins a soak in self-loathing tub, followed inevitably by an abandoned item at bottom of closet.

To avoid this, you must pay attention to it.

For first 3 months after Nick’s death, my grief felt like a red hot brick sitting in middle of my chest. I cried often and at oddest places, like seeing Nick’s friend at a banquet where I was accepting a donation for organization I represented. In most cases, when I felt sadness and tears, I expressed them. Heck, there was no way of holding them back!

After 5 months I felt a weight lifting off me. It felt like I had lifted a very heavy blanket or coat away. I had more energy and felt alive and happy. I started to pay attention to details of winding down a business that Nick had run. I considered how to manage acreage where we lived including an addition to our house that was only roughed in.

I pondered my future: What now? What was I going to do alone? What did I want? Was this a time to be celibate? I had been studying a yogi who considered celibacy as best route for spiritual and personal growth. As I mulled it over, I realized that I wanted a relationship again.

One Saturday 5 months after Nick’s death, there was a notice pinned to corkboard at a restaurant that my girlfriend and I favored, advertising a vision workshop. We decided to go.

There were 12 to14 of us, both men and women. We discussed setting up a vision for things you want in your life and managing fear that surrounds new beginnings (I had an image of transforming my fears from ferocious tigers to tame, meowing pussycats at my feet).

I considered what my beliefs were around relationships: I believed that men and women could have wonderful fulfilling lives in relationships; I believed I could be a good partner.