The Lighter Side of Spam

Written by Tim Ward

Every morning when sit down atrepparttar ole computer and go to check my email I know two things will happen. (1) I won't have received any new sign-ups in any ofrepparttar 118283 hundreds of affiliate programs that 'guaranteed' me a massive downline and (2) I will have at least 30 emails that are unsolicited or SPAM.

As an experienced 'Interneter' (definition: One who spends way too much time onrepparttar 118284 internet) I know thatrepparttar 118285 lack of sign-ups may change. One morning I may awaken to 30 new affiliates in each of my programs. Or at least that's what my guru friends keep telling me... The SPAM however, 'ain't goin' nowhere.' It's just become a fact of internet life. 'He Who Hath Email, Will Get SPAM.'

I personally userepparttar 118286 Delete-It-And-Forget-About-It Method to deal with SPAM. This time tested method has three basic steps:

1. Selectrepparttar 118287 'suspected' spam email (Note: I userepparttar 118288 term suspected because accordingrepparttar 118289 Internet Law Code Title 12 Chapter 15 Subtitle 3 'All spam is innocent until proven guilty by a jury of it's peers, or until it emails a virus to your whole address book.)'

2. Hitrepparttar 118290 'Delete' button

3. Move on torepparttar 118291 next email

This highly complicated method for dealing with SPAM is not, I have found, for everyone. There are some people who feel that this method lets spammers off too easily. These are people who feel very strongly about SPAM. They don't just dislike SPAM, they DESPISE it. I'm talking aboutrepparttar 118292 kind of people who, judging by their actions, must be allergic to SPAM.

These kind of people preferrepparttar 118293 I'm-Going-To-Get-You-If-It's-The-Last-Thing-I-Do-Online Method. This method involves any or all ofrepparttar 118294 following steps:

1. Quitting your day job so you can have more time to write nasty replies to allrepparttar 118295 emails that you get that you don't remember requesting.

2. Doing an exhaustive 30 hour online search for a suspected spammers IP address so you can report them to their ISP. And their hosting services. And their mother.

4. Attempting to get in touch with Tom Ridge, newly appointed Director of Homeland Security, because you think spamming is a form of terrorism.

5. Showing up at suspected spammers front door at 3 AM wielding an AK-47 assault rifle and wearing only WWJD bandana and a mousepad, and shouting, "If I want Spam I'll buy a can" between gunshots.

However you deal with SPAM is of course your business. I, by nature, am a passive person (by passive I mean lazy) so SPAM doesn't usually annoy me torepparttar 118296 point where I feelrepparttar 118297 need to take action. I will admit that occasionally though SPAM does get me a little angry. Like when I open my inbox and see that ofrepparttar 118298 25 unread emails I have, 20 have subject lines like:

* Let Me Show You How To Make An Extra $5000 An Hour Selling Squid!

* Hot Blonde Men Want You!

* Congratulations You've Won An All Expense Paid Trip To Uzbekistan

* Do You Know What You're Children Are Doing Online? (A quick note to all spammers: If you are going to illegally fill my inbox with SPAM at least be kind enough to send me something that might interest me. SPAM about children does not interest me inrepparttar 118299 slightest bit seeing as I have none. And if I did have kids I wouldn't care what they did online as long as they stayed quiet and left me alone. Thanks.

Have PC-Will Crash

Written by Tim Ward

This isn'trepparttar article that I was planning to write today. I had a totally different article in mind. Truthfullyrepparttar 118282 article I was going to write was a whole lot funnier than this one. In fact I had already started typingrepparttar 118283 other, much funnier, article on my PC and if all had gone well you would be reading that article instead of this one. But unfortunately for you, as always happens right when I'm in repparttar 118284 middle of something very important, my PC crashed.

Actually, I don't thinkrepparttar 118285 term crash correctly defines what happened with my PC. With a crash there is usually some kind of warning. Take a plane crash for instance. Before repparttar 118286 plane crashes you may see any or all ofrepparttar 118287 following:

* thick black smoke pouring out of one or more engines

* large chunks of aircraft whizzing past your window

* pilots and flight attendants desperately strapping on parachutes

* oxygen masks dropping fromrepparttar 118288 ceilings, injuring taller passengers

*repparttar 118289 ground

Evenrepparttar 118290 stock market has signs that it is about to crash. However I don't know what they are so you'll have to take my word on that one. I once tried to get intorepparttar 118291 whole stock market thing but every broker I called thought that my only having $20 to invest was 'a problem'. That's when I discovered stock market games. You can enjoy allrepparttar 118292 ups and downs of investing without having to deal withrepparttar 118293 hassle of actually making money and getting rich.

My point is that in almost every other form of 'crash' there are warning signs. But there are NO warning signs whatsoever before a PC crashes. You'll just be sitting there surfingrepparttar 118294 Net, or typing up something in Microsoft Word, or trying to figure out how restore all those pictures of Drew Barrymoore that you downloaded that your girlfriend claims she 'accidentally' deleted, and all of a sudden !CRASH! your whole screen goes blank.

Actually your doing good if you get a blank screen. The Blank Screen Crash can usually be fixed by shutting off and restarting your computer. The Blank Screen Crash is nothing compared to repparttar 118295 Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ Crash orrepparttar 118296 Illegal Operation 8099094##$$GJHhhjj Crash. These crashes arerepparttar 118297 ones that remain even after you have restarted your computer. You'll shut down your computer, restart it, sit through Scandisk's (or SlothDisk as I call it) 15 minute ritual, get back torepparttar 118298 Windows Desktop and !CRASH! there it is again, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ.

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