When I was no more than size of a mediocre ostrich egg, I got my first computer. The year was 0001 A.D.

Now, no more than myself, it wasn’t much to look at. We had no electricity; so needless to say, it wasn’t much of a present either.

You don’t get to be my age by giving out though, so I set about improving it. There were some minor obstacles.

First going of, its processor was made of granite. While this was effective, in absence of electricity, its clock speed left something to be desired. For this, I used a simple mixture of sawdust (Trade Mark) and other sawdust (Trade Mark). Just to clarify that; sawdust is not same anymore and when I was size of a hippo’s gonad, sawdust was remains of saw itself.

Next, I needed to make electricity. I got a heap of piezo-electric cells from my ears and that part was easy enough, though it had an adverse effect on my balance.

Hello, Mick here. When I should have been in short pants, but didn’t have any, medicine was hardly a tonic. The nearest comparable thing to modern medicine was a type of Acupuncture

The most noticeable difference between it then, and now, is needles. We didn’t have medical grade stainless steel.

What we did have though, was an ample supply of bamboo chutes. While these were considered organic, whatever that is, they were somewhat larger in diameter.

If time goes as slow for you as it does for me, then discover virtues of ORIGINAL MEDICINE.

The science of putting such probes in particular nerve paths was more primitive, and one hundred times more effective. Supposing that you had an earache, then I can guarantee you that you would only have it once.

An immature chute (three-inches in diameter) would be forcibly inserted directly to site of pain!! It was a similar deal for eye infections! Re-infections were non-existent!

In off-chance that you had diarrhoea, then treatment was local, rapid and somewhat final.

I won’t even mention toothache. We had no teeth! Indeed, teeth and any associated maladies, were considered to be a waste of good timber.