The Hazards of Tossing Pigs

Written by Chris Bradford & Brande McCree

The Hazards of Tossing Pigs

Saturday, both Jane and Barb had to work. I didn?t see either of them duringrepparttar day but Saturday night I went to eat atrepparttar 118301 restaurant they work in. They serve two kinda steaks there. One calledrepparttar 118302 Cowgirl, and one calledrepparttar 118303 Cowboy. On my first visit some months ago I had loudly pronounced "I wanna eat a Cowgirl!" When Jane asked how I wanted it, I loudly replied "Why, pink inrepparttar 118304 middle of course!"

Weeeeell...... this time Jane recommendedrepparttar 118305 Cowboy. I informed her that if she was to tell anyone that I ate a Cowboy onrepparttar 118306 bone, she was dead meat. After eating, they invited me to go out after they got off work. So I told them I would show back up round 10 PM. I rode by at 9:30 and seeingrepparttar 118307 parking lot was about empty, decided to stop on in. They wasn?t finished, so I stepped intorepparttar 118308 bar. Inrepparttar 118309 bar they had LVTV (Las Vegas TV) film cameras set up, andrepparttar 118310 Geritol Crowd was out there dancing torepparttar 118311 swing time music being played by some fellas who in their younger years dreamed of growing up and playing music in "Speakeasies" duringrepparttar 118312 Great Depression. Now, it was fun to watch, and I got a kick out ofrepparttar 118313 drummer who, when he went into his grand finale drum roll onrepparttar 118314 last song, paused to put on his oxygen mask first. Things took a little longer than expected, but at about 11:30, they finally were ready to go out. Except, neither brought a change of clothes. We had to stop and buy them t-shirts to be presentable. After hitting a couple of places, they finally found some sweat shirts at Outback Roadhouse. That being done, we started having problems finding a bar. I was even having problems finding Barb! We would decide to go somewhere and she would take off in her car like a racetrack momma, leaving me and Jane driving around Branson trying to find her! Finally we caught up with her and decided to hitrepparttar 118315 lounge atrepparttar 118316 Ramada. That didn?t work out too well. The place was fairly empty. And, besides that, as we were walking inrepparttar 118317 parking lot we passed this 1971 pickemup truck that was so valuable it had guard dogs inrepparttar 118318 back. The thing is, we didn?t seerepparttar 118319 dogs until we were besiderepparttar 118320 truck. Then, it was too late! We all had dirty britches. Weeeeell.. we decided to go to my motel room and have our own little get together so Jane sends Barb after some wine and we head to my motel. Barb shows up at aboutrepparttar 118321 same time we do. In addition torepparttar 118322 wine, she brought a bottle of Jim Beam and some game which you play by tossing pigs. I thanked her forrepparttar 118323 Jim Beam, but cautioned her it was a bad idea because withrepparttar 118324 mood I was in I shouldn?t be drinking heavy. She fixed me a drink, and we all sat down to toss a few pigs. Now, this game was pretty neat. You would toss these two pigs like dice.. and depending on how they landed you would score points. You had "Snouters", "Razor backs", "Makin Bacon", and a bunch of other ways they could land. I kept drinking. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell....repparttar 118325 last thing I remember was feeling a little sick from drinking so much, andrepparttar 118326 next thing I knew it was Sunday morning. And, what a morning it was!

Just Say No to "No"

Written by Tony Hendra

“Power Lunch”: Aroundrepparttar table, two men and a woman check you out as you talk. You know your firm can double their sales; after weeks of presentations to their flunkies, you want to clinchrepparttar 118300 deal. They, however, loatherepparttar 118301 prospect of having to make a decision far fromrepparttar 118302 safe buck-passing womb of boardroom and E?mail.

The waiter arrives at your table, askingrepparttar 118303 usual "Can I get you something fromrepparttar 118304 bar?" Yes, yell your guts, a round of Cosmopolitan Martinis would do us a world of good. Might warm up these flash-frozen bean-counters. But your brain knows better: The mere suspicion of a shadow of a possibility that you'd like a drink will be interpreted to mean your next stop isrepparttar 118305 Betty Ford Center. And that your staff is a gang of FUBAR pinheads fromrepparttar 118306 chorus of The Student Prince who fart atrepparttar 118307 word "deadline" and try to fax beer to clients.

So you pass, opting forrepparttar 118308 safe glass of bottled water guaranteed to keep your (and their) mind unmuddled and beans countable. Yes, your pitch is clear, precise, strategic, proactive -and as flat asrepparttar 118309 Evian in your wineglass. You're condemned to more months of review, asrepparttar 118310 teetotaling trio depart, muttering optimistic nothings. Thanks to businesslike lucidity, no business has been done; for lack of liquids, your liquidity is threatened.

No one needs to point out to you that we're becalmed in an economic Sargasso Sea. You make a living if you’re lucky, but zing ain't there. Fifteen years ago, money bred like cockroaches inrepparttar 118311 kitchen cabinet. Thirty-five years before thatrepparttar 118312 economy went on a fifteen-year jag of metastatic growth. What didrepparttar 118313 Fifties, that economic Eden we're all trying to get back to - not to mention that carefully edited version ofrepparttar 118314 Fifties,repparttar 118315 Eighties - have that we don't have? A Republican president? Nope. Lower taxes? Uh-uh. It's much simpler than that: People drank at lunch.

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