How often do we sit down and listen to our loved ones? The vast majority of our conversations with others occur while we are doing something else. We're driving, or cooking dinner or tidying up. We're watching TV or listening to both kids and dog. We're preoccupied with our own thoughts. Or we just tune conversation completely out. Our mental processes go like this:

Hmm, I like that song on radio. I wonder who does it? I wish he'd get rid of that shirt. It's a bad color for him. Oh, dang, I just broke a nail. I wonder what I should fix for dinner? Is he still talking about car? Yup. Why doesn't he just get it fixed? I don't get what's big deal here.

Of course, sometimes we do sit down and pay attention, or so we think. While we are focused on conversation, it's usually with goal of coming up with next clever thing to say, or a killer argument to point being made.

What does it mean to really listen? It means paying attention to what other person is saying, without being distracted by outside events, our thoughts, or planning what to say next. It brings improved connection, communication and understanding to any relationship. It tells other person that they matter; that you care enough about them to make them a priority, a focus. It lets them know that they are more important to you than washing dishes or fixing supper. Now that’s a real gift.

Like everything else in life, listening is a skill. It takes practice. Here are a few guidelines that might help:

1. Find a quiet place where two of you can sit down together, with no distractions. It doesn't have to be at home. My husband and I often go down to a pub and grab a quiet table in back when we want to just sit and talk.

These are all statements you hear and no doubt have said a thousand times. But in them is seed of failure. In saying these few words you are destined not to succeed. The seed to failure is in word ‘trying’.

Just stop a moment and look at your life. Ask yourself question. What does trying really mean?

Does it mean: I am making effort to succeed. I am having a go but I don’t think I will succeed I don’t want to do this but if I look as though I am it will keep everyone happy. I must look as though I am making effort here. It won’t really work but if that’s what they want I will go along with it. I cannot see us completing this in a month of Sundays but at least it looks as though we have given it a go. I hate idea of jogging or gym but to keep her/him happy I will have a go. Deep down I like way I am and food I eat but it keeps people off my back. I actually like smoking. It helps with stress but after all publicity I think I ought to give it up.

If trying means any of above are you surprised you fail?

Have a go at this exercise.

Try not to think of a giraffe?

Did you succeed. I bet you can’t get photo of a giraffe out of your mind.

Try to make a cup of coffee. You can’t can you. You either make a cup of coffee or you don’t.