I know it is a problem because I teach workshop/seminars a couple of times a month and I see it first hand and this is something that can save you a lot of time and wasted energy.

Some of you have goals and objectives while learning this “Game.” Others just take it one day at a time.

If you are going to set objectives in this game, make sure at very top is freedom to exist.

Well, what heck does that mean?

It means if you are going to set up goals for yourself, your eventual goal is to believe so strongly in yourself that you can walk up to anyone and be comfortable.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, it is so difficult.

This is not a goal that is achieved over night. It takes time and effort and you must work towards it. I have met and winged with some of best of best as far as pick-up game is concerned, and I can tell you that even some of these guys haven’t achieved this.

A lot of guys will argue about what to say upon first meeting girl and what tactic or strategy should be.

Here is what I would like you to understand:

It’s not about words. It’s ABOUT A MENTALITY.

The direct style is about a state of self-belief not often found in many guys who consider themselves “Pick Up Artists” regardless of how good they are.

Lacking these internal belief structures, a person will often resort to looking at things through a different lens. He looks at everything through frame of techniques and tactics, henceforth completely missing point regarding self-belief.

I recently heard an incredibly well known “Pick up Artist” label being direct as a “Frame Control” Trick. This indicates that to this person, everything is still a technique, not an organic and natural process.

To truly not give a damn and have such a strong self-image to approach anyone is not a trick. It is not a tactic.

It comes from power of belief and it comes from a deeper place.

It takes time to get there. It helps if you realize what it is you should be focusing on.

You go in with mentality that “I do NOT need to resort to trickery and tactics” in order to get a woman.

I am not saying that “Tools” are bad in general. There are some tools that are useful at some point.

However, to be able to just be present and a relaxed cool individual is to be able to free yourself of constantly reaching inside your bag of tools.

Even tools are not tools. I’ll explain:

One of things I teach to guys is art of story telling. Now, two years ago, I may have thought that this is a great tool to have.

However, having ability to tell stories in an interesting and captivating manner is not a tool.

It is forcing you to make a fundamental change in yourself. Once you learn how to tell a proper story and be interesting, you will have made a permanent change.

You are no longer reaching in your bag silently thinking to yourself, “Aha, I will pull out my tool of “Story telling” at this point in pickup. It will be equivalent of photon torpedoes and will weaken her deflector shields.”

No!

You just become a more interesting person who enjoys sharing a good story or two because you have internalized good story telling and now it has become second nature.

Again: This article is not about words that you say when you approach a woman.

It’s about a STATE OF MIND. It is about a PARADIGM SHIFT.

It is about what Seth Parker talked about in his article “Confident Rapport.”

It’s about a mentality to be able express oneself without pretense. It does not really matter what you open conversation with.

It’s also not about having cocky/funny as a tool.

You want to be confident and playful? Fine! Do so because you are a person who enjoys having a good time and one who enjoys teasing people. Don’t do it because it is a tool you pull out of your hidden bag.

I recall, many years ago, watching “The Lost Interview” with Bruce Lee where he talked about expressing oneself and difficulty in doing so.

Bruce said, “It is easy to for me to put on a show and be flooded with a cocky feeling, and then feel pretty cool, or do some phony things and be blinded by it, or show you some fancy movement………. but to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, to express myself honestly…..That, my friend, is very hard to do.”

I also recall not completely understanding what he was discussing first time I heard this interview. He is very correct, however. It is easy to put on a fancy show and try to impress people, but to honestly express yourself is very difficult.

The chief goal of any self-help environment ought to be trying to get you to feel comfortable in your own skin and be at peace with yourself.

To genuinely feel and exude that is difficult.

Same thing with my physical body; I’m blessed with a high level of health and vitality. So, when something goes “wrong” like a recent eye infection (resigning me to a week of glasses versus my contact lenses) my stress needle hit red zone.

You might be thinking, “This all sounds a bit extreme, especially for a successful coach who has a highly functioning life.” Well, you’re right…I thought same thing.

Then I remembered…Thomas Leonard, known as father of coaching, once said, “Success becomes sustainable when there are environments and failsafe structures which support it and which make you feel fully alive. And being fully alive calls you to play a much bigger game in life...evolving to your optimal potential to levels of greatness you never thought were possible.”

There was my answer; these two recent events reminded me about power of our personal environments and what happens when they are out of balance. I had experienced chinks in my environments, and although I was feeling fully alive I certainly wasn’t feeling my own greatness.