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Title: The Fear of Feeling Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 643 Category: Emotional Healing, Spiritual Growth
THE FEAR OF FEELING By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
We desire to find path to peace, joy and freedom. We strive to feel lovable, worthy and secure. We know that if we do our inner work and open to our connection with Spirit, we will feel all of that. Yet we don't. We put it off for days or weeks. We stay stuck in our misery or numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of if we open to learning about loving?
I have searched for many years for answer to this question. Over and over I would find myself out of grace and joy and into anxiety and stress. Each time it was because I failed to take care of myself in some way.
The problem is that all feelings are in same box. Pain is in same box as joy. We cannot be putting a lid on pain without putting a lid on joy as well.
What is pain we are striving so hard to avoid feeling? Most people feel a lot of pain. We feel anxious, frightened, depressed, hurt. Since we are often in pain, it doesn't seem to make sense that we are, at same time as we are feeling all this pain, also avoiding pain. Yet that is exactly what we are doing.
As unhappy as we may be feeling, we are avoiding pain that we believe is even greater than pain we are feeling.
I have discovered that there are three feelings which most people want to avoid at all cost: aloneness, loneliness and helplessness.
Aloneness is what we feel inside when we are disconnected from God. Loneliness is what we feel when we cannot connect with another, either because our heart is closed, their heart is closed, or both of our hearts are closed. Helplessness is what we would feel if, when we want to connect with another and his or her heart is closed, we accept that there is nothing we can do to make them open their heart. Helplessness is what we feel when we accept our lack of control over others.