For first time I had to believe in something or someone other than myself. I have always been independent. I never felt a need to trust in any source other than myself. Time after time I was one who lifted others up when they were down, and gave when there was a need. Now it was my turn, and my pride would not let me ask for help. I felt so alone. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t even know how to pray, but remembered that someone told me that God hears us. I returned my gaze back into house and looked around. I begin to sum up all that I had accumulated over years, and found that it was not nearly as important now as it was then.

I got married young at age of 21, and had a son. At time of my marriage I already had a son. I was pregnant my senior year in high school, and was determined to make it out of there. I graduated and received my diploma. Now I was faced with real challenge of life, raising a child alone. So when man I married came along it was like a gift from God. He was willing to take on this responsibility and provide for us both. Things were so mush easier then. Whenever there was a financial problem, or something broke down in house. He would immediately take charge and all would be taken care of. Now he was gone. He past away last year from liver cancer, and now I was alone again.

There wasn’t much money, and I didn’t even have health insurance. I was at end of myself, and wondered if I could even get words out to even ask God for anything. What would I ask Him for? How would He receive me after I had been neglecting Him all these years? My heart was so heavy today, and I wasn’t in mood to have company. My family wanted to come over and have a family dinner. We hadn’t done this in quite awhile, so we decided this was a good time as any. I didn’t tell them about my condition yet, because I didn’t want to be treated as if I had leprosy or something. I know that it would be good intentions coming forth, but it was my pride raring its ugly head up again.

My mother was in Florida, and so being oldest I had to hold family together. I had four sisters, and they were all my half sisters. I always felt like an outcast ever since I found out that my father wasn’t my father. What a shock it was to me to know that all those years I was kept in dark. Glancing back over these things as I straighten up a little before my family would come. I always had trials to overcome, but overcome them I did. I prided myself on my inner strength, and others were envious of it. In 1989 I was paralyzed for a year from my neck down. The doctors never found out reason for it, and one day I was able to walk again. When I shared this with a friend who was a minister, she shared with me that it was God’s way of getting my attention. He had my intention for a while, but then cares of world started taking over and I forgot all about Him.

That time seemed so long ago now. It is almost oblivious to me. My sons are 18 and 11 now, and able to take care of themselves. There was really no need for me to stay around anymore. I began to recite this in my mind as I vacuumed floors. I never realized at time that I was falling. I was on my way into a downward motion of despair. I didn’t see that news of this disease overtaking my body, this foreign substance was beginning to overpower me. The feeling of being hedged in was overwhelming me. I felt as if I would faint, when at that moment I felt a presence. It was a presence I had never experienced before. It was real though, as if a literal person was standing there beside me. I turned to look in direction that I felt small breeze coming at my back. There was no one there. At least no one I could see with my natural eyes.

Regardless of what business we are in, what projects we are working on or what interests we have in world – we are all in business of relationship building. In business we are always cultivating relationships with employees, with prospective clients, with colleagues. In our personal lives place of relationship is often more obvious and more central. And our deeper relationship with ourselves is at core of how we manage and grow each of those other relationships and therefore our lives.

At every moment in our professional and personal lives we are faced with decisions – one after another that create and move along landscape of our lives. What criteria do you use to make good decisions, what benchmarks do you employ to measure your decision making process? The issue of relationships and decision-making are closely allied. If we are in close, clear contact with our own beings, our wisdom, our intuitive faculties- decisions we make have more likelihood of keeping us moving along a path that is in integrity with our values and real goals. When we allow rush of events to disconnect us from this deeper well of understanding and vision – all that we do suffers. I hear over and over again from clients how there isn’t time, how bottom-line is what must determine their choices and often their direction. I am not immune to pressures and demands of world we all live in. But if we are to, in some way, affect world positively and develop a life that is worth living we must find some time to allow for growth and development of that which will give us foundation, creativity and energy to make moment-to-moment sound decisions.

How do you cultivate this essential connection or relationship with yourself? What nourishes it? For me sometimes in a busy work environment it is presence of beauty or kind and friendly relationship I have developed with my colleagues. My daily habits of mind and inspiring walk contribute to this. Sometimes it is taking time to stop and allow silence to be present so I can sense next move. I know that when I do this my decisions are more balanced. Each of us must look to ourselves, to mentors and teachers to cultivate even simple practices that we can integrate into our day.

When we are able to do this – to maintain a stronger connection to that core in us there is a sense of our own strength and power that then comes forward in our relationships and choices. Of course our decision making takes into account facts, weighing of potential outcomes, history of issue at hand. But if you are making a decision context in which it is made is really state you are in, your thoughts, your clarity, and your connection to a deeper well of being. These influence directly your perceptions, understanding, openness to options and solutions, and flow of your creative juices. We must call on our own deeper understanding and vision to inform our choices.