The Death Of A ChildWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
There may be nothing in life as devastating as death of a child. Elders are supposed to pass on before their young. After all, that is nature's law. Yet, “Death hath no dominion.” And, life is not always fair.
The death of a young child is single most powerful predictor of divorce. This is true because a parent's grief knows no bounds. Self-incrimination creeps in as does blame. Depression and desperation are common aftermaths of such an event. Most parents' natural instinct is to want to protect their young; to love, to nurture, and to help them grow. When a child dies, one's world tends to fall apart. Whether one believes in God or not, always there is a depression and anger, questioning and doubt before a parent can come to resolution and move on.
I have lived through too many such events, and sat with and known too many parents with shattered lives, not to know and understand process. One must be brave, committed and usually seek help to survive as a loving couple.
Recently I was witness to one more family needing to find a way to survive their child's death. Only he wasn't a child anymore to anyone except his parents. In fact, this lovely young man in his early twenties was with his fiancée on way to city hall to get their marriage license. They were looking forward to a life of “for better or worse” and maybe even one of “happily ever after.”
Very much in love, they were taking train to their destination. He became ill and went to break between cars to get some air. Suddenly, he fainted and fell to tracks. Chaos ensued. His fiancée has grieving and healing of her own to do. And, his parents, so filled with hopes of their own, a wedding to plan, visions of grandchildren, and a new generation to play with are now in mourning. Grieving, only as parents can.
Timothy McVeigh’s Legacy of Revenge - Evil is Evil is EvilWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
A Psychologist Speaks
“Are we like sheep? ”
If we give an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we shall all be blind and gumming. Overtly we are dealing with issue of crime and punishment. Covertly we are dealing with evil, revenge, and passion. As soon as we get caught in confused web of revenge masked as justice, as soon as we re blinded by our own evil intentions, good people get lost. Revenge evolved into justice because individuals needed to give over personal retribution for good of society. The desire for revenge probably exists for all of us in most primordial parts of our brain, as do other feelings that we chose not to act upon. We chose not to act upon them because as humans we are only species that can foresee consequences of our actions. Premeditated execution is premeditated murder. If we kill McVeigh on TV-closed circuit or not---and who is naive enough to believe film won’t be hacked?--- We only perpetuate most base and heinous of crimes---premeditated murder.
An avenger acts to preserve his kin group. Primitive men and women have always acted this way. As we became less overtly animalistic, we saw ourselves as better than beasts. If we use justice as our excuse for retaliation and revenge, we hide behind our own evil and become less than animals we claim not to be.
Mourning is a natural process that goes through a series of stages in order to reach closure. One TV host asked me: “How does one avoid pain of loss of a loved one?” The answer is simple, but not easy. “You don’t.” One must not bypass pain, but instead go through it and come out other side. Those who try to sidestep agony often wind up living it forever. The only prerequisite to loving deeply is ability to sustain intense pain. Therefore, mourning a tragedy requires walking through fires of hell until one reaches healing shores and possibly even ability to forgive. This process requires more courage than many possess and it is easy to understand if one chooses to stop midway.
The death of a child goes against natural order of life and thus is rarely fully mourned and certainly never forgotten. As religion and history attest, closure comes in many forms, unveiling, visits to cemetery, perhaps birth of a new child or through religious rituals. One does not have to watch victims' death throes to have closure.
Why not call upcoming June 11th event circus it really is? Call movie by its rightful name and have participants pay for play? Make it pay per view, pay to play, sell popcorn and soda, exalt tailgate parties, and let us live with our own denied evil. Someone will make millions from this event. It may as well be government. Only then, they too would have to acknowledge their participation in “show.” We may as well be viewing a film like Gladiator. Watching an execution or ritual murder on closed circuit TV is not so different from going to latest blood and gore flick, except that some adults and most children can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy of event. Studies of children's reactions to cartoons indicate that when a cartoon character dies and then pops up again, kids expect that if they shoot someone in real life same thing will occur.—They don’t understand why dead person doesn’t bounce back to life.