If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush off to practice tips you may not get very far no matter how hard you try. Why? Because you are likely to be self conscious when you need to be other conscious. Standing in front of new people you want to meet you freeze and you feel so unsure of yourself that you cannot remember even one of listening tips.

You need ability to switch off self consciousness whenever you choose to do so. Sounds obvious only how can you do this? By switching your attention off of yourself and onto other person.

When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too much attention to thoughts inside your head, how you are feeling and how you look.

Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close attention to other person. How is she feeling? How does she look today? Is she relaxed or tense?

The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

1 Turn off inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious

One way to do this is to touch roof of your mouth with your tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our tongues when we engage in inner talk even if only very slightly. When you put tip of your tongue to roof of your mouth you interrupt negative inner talk pattern.

And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:

1 Soften No

Instead of shouting No at person and creating an uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften No by postponing your help.

For example --

- No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time - No, I have other things to do at moment - Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on - I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

What you are doing is softening No by saying not now rather than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when dealing with people who intimidate you.

2 Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you -- negotiate! When they want something from you, you have power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone helping them if you can.