It’s kind of Zen-like to say this, but one of
most important parts of any conversation is silence. Silence can serve many functions in a conversation and how you manage it determines your level of sophistication in communication. Here are some points to keep in mind about silence in communication.
1.Allowing silence in a conversation puts pressure on other person.
Why? Because it’s conventional in US society not to allow any sort of extended silence in a conversation. It is common in some cultures to do this, but not in US, and this use of silence is one of things that can cause multicultural strain.
For instance, in some cultures, if you are a young person and want to talk with a person to talk with a person of authority, you are expected to approach them and wait to be recognized. You aren’t supposed to speak until you are acknowledged. This sort of silence is a sign of respect. It’s akin to, “Children should be seen and not heard,” if you remember that phrase from long ago.
However, in conversation between two peers and equals, it’s expected both parties will contribute to conversation, and there will no glaring silences. If there are any, it causes discomfort – in some cases even physiological pain.
This is one tool that some therapists use. Allowing silence to exist between therapist and client, put pressures on client to say something. This is also a tool investigators use. When you’re subjected to this sort of silence, it feels like pressure, and you’re likely to blurt something out! And it can often be one thing you don’t want to say.
Therefore some people in power use this ploy, such as an interviewer. An experienced interviewer may let a silence hang, just to see how person being interviewed conducts him or herself.
2.Silence can indicate hostility or disagreement.
While it’s almost never an indication of indifference, silence can indicate that other person is having negative emotions. When we experience anger, fear, or embarrassment, our thinking brain shuts down. We sit there fuming, unable to speak. Enraged and unable to find words. Afraid and scared speechless.
Some people are completely “flooded” by such emotions. Think of a teenager, for instance. They are prone to withdraw into sullen silence rather than using constructive discontent techniques, talking it out, and keeping connection going.
3.Silence can indicate profoundness, such as respect, awe or horror.
Sometimes when we’re listening to someone else, we hear something that leaves us speechless because it really goes beyond words. Listening to someone talk about a dreadful trauma they’ve endured, or a beautiful, almost-sacred interaction with another human being, or a description of an awesome natural event such as a sunset or a volcano eruption are examples. Somehow when we listen to such things, ordinary “Oh” and “Wow” and “That’s awesome” don’t seem enough, and so we fall silent.
