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Our Present Reality – By Joseph Ghabi
How do you envision your life and dreams? Do you look at them with open or closed eyes? If you have your eyes open, that means you are not afraid to go after what you dream of. With closed eyes, it means that you are having some difficulties and are fearful or hesitant to go after them.
How do you look at your past experiences? Do you look at these with open or closed eyes? Looking at your past experiences with open eyes means that they are in distant past and you are over them. If you look at these with closed eyes, it means that you still have difficulties in letting go or accepting what happened in your past experiences and also in forgiving people who were involved in situations.
There are two realities in every experience or lesson in our lives. Those realities determine effects and direction we will take in our lives. However, choice is always ours and it is our own responsibility to do whatever we decide to do with our lives in end.
Anytime you have problems or if you happen to be experiencing problems at moment, way you see yourself within that problem will determine what your reality is. In life there is always black and white, yet many of us are stuck in middle in grey area. Being indecisive all of your life is not an answer though is it? We are talking about YOUR LIFE here, and it seems that most of us do not give a toss about it! The people who don’t care are ones who have already given up on life. That is case whether they like it or not! These are people who thrive on getting sympathy which comes when they constantly complain about their life to other people. Unfortunately, in reality living this way is not a solution to your problems either!
Let’s consider, for instance, this scenario. You were abused physically or mentally during childhood from either your father, mother or from someone else. You are now grown up and have become mature man or woman. In this case there is now a huge chance that you will become gay or lesbian in your style of relationship. This is common for many of us, although in many cases it can be an unconscious choice made as a means of rebellion against fact you experienced abuse earlier in your life from a member of opposite sex. This usually would happen when experience of being abused has not been handled properly. Don’t get me wrong here, I have no problem with same sex couples, however, in our case here, this is not living with right intention towards ourselves or other people involved. The many people who are familiar with circumstances such as this will likely have confusion about their sexual identity at a later stage in life. We will leave this subject for deeper discussion at a later time!
We will now consider your heterosexual relationship in case where your childhood abuse was again with someone of opposite sex. In many instances, after experiencing this, we might always fall into wrong relationships once again. Many of these relationships end up being abusive, regardless of type of abuse. Abuse is abuse and is always wrong in any case. What would happen then in your situation? In many cases you end up blaming yourself as if you were one who was provoking your partner, or whoever it was, to abuse you. Then you always end up forgiving him or her for their abuse by making up all kinds of excuses to justify what they did wrong to you in first place. Why do you do that? You know you are neither helping yourself or them by accepting this kind of treatment. Think about it!
Let’s get back to fact that you were abused as a child that you have not been able to handle it properly. As a child being abused you probably felt hopeless and that there was nothing you could have done or said to stop this because you did not want to hurt your father, mother or other people in family. Maybe one of your parents, one who is not abusing you, is also afraid of other and is making excuses on their behalf. What has all this to do with your situation today? It is probably very similar but you are playing different roles. The best excuse you can tell yourself is “I love him or her” I do not understand this when on top of it all you are still being abused and or taken advantage of. How do you justify this as being a love relationship making you feel happy?
What is link between both experiences of being a child and being an adult? It is possible that you went for therapy between those ages, yet it might not have brought you any effect. In many cases your therapy probably succeeded in fixing immediate problem, perhaps on a ‘conscious’ level. For many of you though, therapy probably did not do much because unless you and your therapist were working on healing fear based at root of where your trouble stems from at an earlier stage in your life. If this is case, do not blame yourself. You probably do not know any better!