Ten Tips to Help You Save Your Sanity During the HolidaysWritten by Marie M. Roker
1. Set limits for yourself.If you feel overwhelmed with shopping, cooking and visiting relatives don't add more to your plate. Take 10-15 minute breaks to take e a walk, meditate, read, pray or just sit still. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Be firm with family and friends about your need to take a break. Good resource: http://www.relaxandbreathe.com 2. Shop Early or Online. I'm sure your kids have a list of items for you to go on a scavenger hunt. Save yourself headache and shop online. Many online retailers like Amazon.com. Target and Wal-Mart have great deals. If you want to avoid another Tickle Me Elmo disaster, shop online. Good resource for toys: http://www.successfulchild.com If you can't find what you're looking for, do a search on Google.com Http://www.google.com or check out Ebay http://www.ebay.com for your item. 3. Respond, don't react to annoying family members. If your in-laws are like Frank and Marie Barone from Everybody Love Raymond, then you already know what you are dealing with. They are not going to change and chances are they get a kick out of seeing you frustrated. Let it go and decide that you are not going to let anyone ruin holidays for you. If someone says something to upset you, assert yourself and let them know that you will not be disrespected. Arguing or defending yourself will only make things escalate. If someone brings up something painful from past, simply tell the, "This is not a good time for discussing this matter." Good Resource: http://www.difficultpeople.com 4. Don't Try to Be a Host/Hostess Extraordinaire. Just because Martha Stewart is in jail, doesn't mean you have to be her replacement. Take turns going to other relatives’ homes for holidays. If you had everyone over for Thanksgiving, go to someone else's home for Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.
| | If I Hurt You, Then I'm SorryWritten by Skye Thomas
This statement has stopped many a war in my house. My oldest two children are two years apart in age and would fight about everything and nothing when they were little. One would anger other and then deny that it ever happened. One would accidentally harm other during play and not want to accept responsibility for other's anger. Seldom did a day pass by that one of them wasn't screaming at other for some horrible crime. It never failed when I would be brought in to mediate, they'd both claim they were innocent and other was bad. How many times did one of them try to convince me that other was lying and just trying to frame them for a crime they didn't commit. What's a parent to do?I really believe very strongly in teaching my kids to be accountable for their actions and choices. I want them to have their eyes wide open and to know full well that when they make a bad choice, bad things are likely to happen. And when they make good choices, that good things are likely to happen. I've worked really hard to get them to grasp concept that if you treat people badly, they won't like you. Also, don't mess with other people's stuff without asking. Doesn't matter if you are a beautiful child of God. Nobody will want to hang out with you. Simple facts of life, but I don't see it being taught as much as I'd like. They say that we learn our social skills from our siblings and neighborhood kids. We role model what our parents show us, but we practice it on our peers. One of things I hated most in my own childhood was being forced to apologize for things I didn't do. I also hated being forced to apologize when I was simply defending my person or my property from a known attacker, mainly my younger sister and brother. I have also had too many adults in my life apologize for things they were not sorry for and then later they just repeat same actions over and over again. When people say they're sorry, I often think to myself, "Good then don't do it again." Changing behavior is so much more important to me then just offering up words, "I'm sorry." I wanted to teach my children that you should never offer fake apologies and you should only apologize when you really mean it. However, I also wanted them to take responsibility for environment of anger that they were helping to create. Somehow I had to find perfect peace-making face-saving way to teach all of these concepts. What I finally stumbled across was a twisted compromise. When you are feeling falsely accused of something and other person won't back down, then you simply say, "If I hurt you, then I'm sorry." Then you bite your tongue, hard. Don't say another word. Don't snicker and don't sneer. Just say it straight faced and let it go at that. You can tell yourself that since you did NOT hurt them, you are NOT sorry. They can tell themselves that you are sorry since they feel that you did hurt them. You don't actually confess to any crimes. Besides what if on some level without knowing it, you did hurt them in some way? Wouldn't you want to have said sorry for at least that tiny part? Soon peace began to show itself at my house. They would both smugly tell themselves that they had won war of day. I would get much needed peace and tranquility that I needed.
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