Ten Sure-Fire Ways to ‘Make’ Conversation

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant


We aren’t born knowing how to talk. Nor are we born knowing how to make conversation. It’s not a science, where we can memorize rules. It’s an art, where we must intuitrepparttar rules.

One good way to learn to become a good conversationalist is to study someone who is. Another is to work with a coach.

It’s a combination of being present and engaged; havingrepparttar 130158 non-verbals under control; being truly interested inrepparttar 130159 other people and curious about them; taking responsibility for holding up your end (“Don’t sit there like a bump on a log,” my Dad used to say, and a consummate conversationalist he was!); and having an interesting life yourself! After all, good conversation requires that you talk about something.

Here are some tips forrepparttar 130160 conversationally-challenged. Work with a coach if you want to become proficient.

1. You can never lose by being a good listener.

Most people would rather talk than listen, and they need an audience. All you need to do is stay with it – maintain eye contact, smile, nod occasionally, say “uh huh,” "really?", "oh my goodness," "I understand exactly what you mean," and "yes, I see."

2. If you’re unsure of yourself, join existing groups where conversation is already in progress.

Until you’re confident about what you’re doing, don’t initiaterepparttar 130161 conversation. It’s too much work, and you don’t need to berepparttar 130162 center of attention at this point.

3. Before you leave forrepparttar 130163 gathering, prepare yourself intellectually.

One woman I know who’s an excellent conversationalist finds out what she can aboutrepparttar 130164 others who will be there, and then does some reading. She really works at it.

For instance, if she knows another guest atrepparttar 130165 dinner party just moved from Boston, she'll get onrepparttar 130166 Internet and get herself informed. You can also research other people's professions and hobbies.

Then if you're seated onrepparttar 130167 cruise next to a woman from Seattle, you can ask her if she's got a Chihuly and sound like a pro.

4. In any social situation, asking about people’s children is a sure winner.

There’s nothing most people would rather talk about than their kids, unless of course there’s a problem that you know of.

Not always good for business networking, but at a cocktail party or dinner party, get them started talking about their little darlings (or grand-darlings) and you’ll never get a word in edgewise, which is what you want when you’re a newbie conversationalist.

5. Followrepparttar 130168 conversation. Don’t butt in, and don’t get controversial, even if you don’t agree with what’s being said.

Generally speaking, avoid controversial topics. Save giving your own opinion, when it differs, until you have your sea legs.

The old rule used to be “Don’t talk about sex, religion or politics.” (Talking about money wasn't even a remote possibility.) Now there isn't much that's off-limits, but until you’re a seasoned professional, don’t start out with, “What do you think about Bush’s policy?”

6. Write out a list of conversation-starters.

Nice safe topics (weather, current events, family plans, light work topics). Open-ended works best, but isn't essential. People know they're supposed to be talking. Here are a few I would use here in my hometown:

· We sure have had a lot of rain for this time of year, haven’t we? · Did you get to watchrepparttar 130169 Spurs' Finals? · Have you been down torepparttar 130170 River lately? I heard there’s a great new Mexican restaurant down there where Paesano’s used to be. What happened to Paesano’s? (Several threads gives them several options and fills air time.) · Have you got a vacation planned for this summer? · Did you see what they’ve done torepparttar 130171 old Baptist hospital? (If they have, they’ll comment. If they haven’t, you can inform.) · Mary told me you’re a personal life coach. What is it exactly that coaches do? · Where do you know Alan and Sue (the host and hostess) from? · Isn’t this house lovely? I likerepparttar 130172 eclectic / modern / rustic / décor. I wonder where she got that painting. · What were doing last Labor Day?

Taking Personal Stock

Written by Skye Thomas


What'srepparttar difference between self-criticism and self-awareness? There's so much talk inrepparttar 130156 world about loving ourselves justrepparttar 130157 way we are. The idea is that we are each perfect and beautiful. It goes even further to say that in reference to our personal journeys, we are exactly where we are meant to be and there's no need to berate ourselves for not being more spiritual, more educated, more affluent, more of anything. My concern is that so many people take that to mean they can then sit and do nothing about fixing any of their self-limiting ways. People act as though acknowledging a flaw or even usingrepparttar 130158 very word 'flaw' isrepparttar 130159 same as self-hatred and is too critical. Yes, those who have been onrepparttar 130160 path of self-enlightenment for a long time have discoveredrepparttar 130161 difference, but I'm not so sure thatrepparttar 130162 everyday Joe onrepparttar 130163 street understandsrepparttar 130164 message completely.

Nobody lives a perfect blissful life from birth torepparttar 130165 grave. Problems arise and we usually play a role in creating those problems for ourselves. Perhapsrepparttar 130166 problem is that we just aren't where we want to be in life. If we are ever to fix anything or solve any problems, we must first pull our head out ofrepparttar 130167 sand and acknowledgerepparttar 130168 situation for what it is. Take full stock of ourselves, our beliefs, our gifts, our talents, our challenges, our flaws, everything. By really looking at ourselves, we can then decide what we do and do not like about ourselves. From a place of self-awareness, we can determine what is helping us to accomplish our goals and what is limiting us. That's being self-aware.

Self-criticism looks very similar. We are taking inventory of ourselves and assigning positive and negative labels to those traits we find within. The difference comes inrepparttar 130169 form ofrepparttar 130170 attitude we use while doing so. If we are judgingrepparttar 130171 various attributes, especially from a harsh light, then we are being critical rather than simply being aware. When we are being self-critical, we are not loving, logical, nor detached fromrepparttar 130172 various elements of ourselves that we are analyzing. We are being very judgmental and unnecessarily harsh.

Either way, we come torepparttar 130173 same conclusion that changes need to take place, butrepparttar 130174 emotional fuel behind them is very different. One says, "I choose to change because it will help me to manifestrepparttar 130175 life I desire for myself. I am perfect whether I change or not, but I choose this change because I would like to eliminate this self-defeating behavior." The other says, "I must change because I'm a loser and no good. I must change because if I don't, I'll never be a winner. I can't love myself until I am a winner and am therefore not worthy of anyone else's love either." Both of these views can be very powerful motivators, butrepparttar 130176 journey of life is difficult and challenging enough without our having added unnecessary negativity to it.

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