Simply put, honesty means being truthful with ourselves and with others. It means caring enough about others not to mislead them for personal benefit. It means facing up to our mistakes, even when we have to admit them to others or when they may get us into trouble. Fairness means acting in a just way and making decisions, especially important ones, on basis of evidence rather than prejudice. It means "playing by rules" and standing up for right of everyone to be treated equally and honestly.

To understand importance of being honest and fair,children need to learn that living together in a family, community or even a nation depends on mutual trust. Without honesty and fairness, trusting each other becomes very difficult, and families--and societies--fall apart.

Words of caution:

Title: The Challenge of Families Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 709 Category: Relationships, Family

The Challenge of Families By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Angie grew up in a family where she was caretaker. The oldest of four, Angie was only member of her family capable of deep caring, empathy and compassion. As a result, she was always attempting to protect her brother and sisters from her father’s physical and emotional abuse. Even her mother learned to turn to her for help and protection. Because everyone learned to rely on Angie, when things didn’t turn out way they wanted, Angie was one they blamed.

Angie became an invisible child. Because of her acute sensitivity to other’s feelings and needs, her feelings and needs went unnoticed. Everyone in her family wanted to take from her, but no one wanted to give to her. Angie was not a happy child.

As an adult, Angie did much inner healing work. She discovered that she had been ignoring her own feelings and needs while caretaking others. As she learned to take loving care of herself and let go of taking responsibility for everyone else’s feelings and needs, her family became furious with her. How dare she take care of herself instead of them! The blame that Angie had always experienced from her family intensified. Nothing Angie said had any impact on her family’s behavior toward her. They refused to support her in taking care of herself. They just wanted her back in old system.

Angie finally decided that, although she loved her family, she needed to disengage from them. She realized that it was not loving to herself to allow her family to continue to treat her badly. She was unwilling to continue old family system, and she realized that she had no control over how her family treated her. Angie broke almost all communication with her family for three years.