Tantrums don't suddenly appear. They are learned. Controlling or eliminating tantrums is not complicated, but it is hard work. It will be easier if you keep one simple premise in mind:
Tantrums aren't personal. Toddlers and pre-school children don't throw tantrums because they want to be naughty. They don't scream and yell because they want to hurt you. Children throw tantrums because they work. It is your job to make tantrums fail. "Can I have a lollipop?"
This sentence has power to invoke a racing heart and sweating palms in many parents.
The answer is no. The child raises her voice. The answer is still no. The child drops to floor. The answer turns into a discussion and child's voice increases in volume. The tears flow, shrieks begin and, after a few parental self-conscious glances at near by shoppers … answer becomes yes.
What makes child in next aisle accept 'no' with a shrug of shoulders or a nod? Why is your child one who throw tantrums?
There is no easy answer to this question, but there are some patterns of thinking and practical methods that you can use to break cycle.
It is a simple, yet powerful fact. A child's behavior can be modified. Rewarding a behavior will increase occurrence of that behavior. Ignoring it will decrease and often eliminate behavior.
A child who throws tantrums gets this message: If I yell loud enough and long enough, I'll get what I want.
The message you want them to get is: It doesn't matter how long or hard I yell, I'm not going to get what I want.
The tantrums may be just developing. They may have been an unhappy part of family life for months or even years. Whatever situation, if they're still happening, they're working.
So, how do you start?
* Commit yourself. When you decide to eliminate tantrums from your life, you are not fighting your child. You are in a battle for good of your child. You will create a more peaceful home environment and closer relationships within your family. You will also teach your child self-discipline. This is a vital skill when dealing with society. Teachers, bosses and most friends will not crumble under weight of your child's demands.
Tantrums won't disappear immediately. If your child is just beginning to learn components of a truly inspired tantrum, you may not have far to go. A few unwavering sessions may be all that is needed. If, however, your child has been honing his tantrum technique for months or even years, success may take a little longer. Even so, with consistency and perseverance, it will work.
* Identify triggers. When do most tantrums occur? Are they sparked by bedtime? Meal times? When shopping? While you are on phone? Make a list and be aware. Figure out ways to help your child succeed. If eating dinner is a problem, give her tiny portions. If too much TV is a problem, offer more interesting alternatives.