But there is a way to lessen intensity of those critical voices, and let them give you a break. Read on for some suggestions. (Note: You don’t have to do all or even most of these things. Just find what works for you.)

* Notice Critical Messages

The first thing to do to help quiet self-criticism is to notice that it’s happening. Many people put themselves down or criticize themselves without even noticing they’re doing it. They might think that they’re being reasonable or objective or helpful. But criticizing yourself doesn’t help you at all — it just feeds more negative and self-harming thinking.

So how do you pay attention?

If you really can’t hear it in yourself, ask a friend or lover to point out when you’re criticizing yourself. Probably you do it a lot less out loud than you do in your own head, though, so this is just a starting point.

Try sitting with yourself quietly for a long time, and listen to what’s going on in background. If it helps to write it out, do that. What do you hear?

* Listen to critical voices.

Next, try listening to those critical voices. Find out exactly what they’re saying. The more we ignore something, stronger it gets. It helps to acknowledge those critical voices, and to let them know you’ve heard them. And it can help to hear exactly what they’re saying. Try repeating their phrases aloud, or write them down.

* Look at Patterns

When you start to hear negative messages, try to trace back when they started. Did you make a “mistake” and verbally slap yourself, or laugh at yourself before anyone else could? Did someone else say something that made you think they were putting you down? Did someone laugh at you when you were feeling vulnerable?

Try to notice every time a new onslaught of self-critical messages happens. Write it down. Become familiar with your triggers — what sets off that onslaught of criticism. Then try to recognize that trigger as soon as it happens, or as soon after it has happened as you can. When you see that pattern happening where critical messages are set off, try to step back a little and give yourself some compassion and distance. Remind yourself that you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, or hurt, or scared, and that you don’t need to be so harsh on yourself.

* Trace Messages Back to Their Root

Look at messages you hear in your head. Really analyze them. You had to get them from somewhere. Are any of them familiar? Did anyone tell you any of those messages when you were a child? Do they sound like your mother — or your father? Try to figure out when you first started “thinking” those phrases. Sometimes knowing where those messages come from can decrease their intensity. (Ah ha — that’s something my mother used to say to me. But she’s not right! I don’t need to carry her voice in my head any more.)

* Have a Conversation With Critical Voices

Have a conversation with your critical voices. It might help to do this on paper or at your computer so you can see it more clearly. Ask those critical voices what they need, and why they’re telling you such negative things about yourself. Ask them what they’re afraid of, and why they need to do what they do so strongly. Just let answers come up and be there. Now is time to listen.

Try not to be judgmental of those critical voices. It may help to realize that critical voices often come out of desperation and duress — such as a little child blaming herself instead of adults who were hurting her, because it was safer to think that way. Often, behind all those negative messages and criticism is a lot of vulnerability, insecurity, and fear. If you can get in touch with that vulnerability, and understand where it’s coming from, you may find that need to criticize yourself greatly diminishes.

* Reassure Critical Voices

If you’ve discovered that those critical voices feel insecure, vulnerable, or afraid of something, try to reassure those parts inside you. If you can meet needs of those parts, need to criticize you will decrease.

* Recognize Strength

Critical voices are often created as a means of self-protection — as a way of coping or surviving. For survivors of abuse and trauma, those critical voices may be parts who absorbed all negative messages, and allowed other parts of yourself to keep playfulness, happiness, or love intact. Other people may have felt safer taking on critical messages and turning those messages on themselves instead of blaming adults around them or people they loved, or they may use that negativity to suppress their inner beauty and uniqueness so they fit in better.

But you don’t have to be smaller than you are. And hurting yourself doesn’t stop others from hurting you. Acknowledge strength and aid that those critical voices may initially have given you, and realize that you no longer need to use them same way.

* Give Critical Messages a New Job

Those critical messages may have helped you survive — but now it’s time for something new. Something that helps you now.

Be thankful for problems you have now and for those bad days when they come. They are there for a reason - to help you learn to pull through and to help you realize what you do want in life.

A lot of us don't know what we really want until we find out what we don't want. Or we find ourselves in a situation that we truly don't like.

By learning from these situations, finding out what we really want and focusing on what we really want, that's how we get to where we want to be.

You have a job that you despise. You hate going to work everyday, you're boss is non-supportive, etc, etc. But you need money to pay your bills. You're in a catch-22. Do you quit your job and be happy or do you keep your job and be miserable?

Well, I quit my job last month and I haven't been happier since. Yes it's a little harder now but my husband is supportive and understanding. It's better to have a little less cash flow than to have a stressed out wife. Our home is more harmonious now and I have time to do things that I was too stressed out to do before. New opportunities have opened up for me that wouldn't have if I was still caught up in corporate world dealing with my day to day stress.

Raising kids and taking care of a household is a full-time job in itself but adding a stressful job that doesn't pay what you're worth makes you reconsider your priorities.