© 2002 Carole Nicolaides http://www.progressiveleadership.com Recently, I was asked to facilitate a meeting and offer coaching to 20 executive members at a company’s strategic conference. As I sat quietly and observed everyone in
room, I began to notice that all conversations seemed to revolve around placing blame.
Can you picture setting? A long oval office with 20 people, separated in 3 departments, and each of them pointing fingers when asked why things weren’t progressing as planned. I must admit that sitting at this gathering revived my memories of being a corporate refugee. Now, as if this experience was not enough, very next day I heard same scenario from an entrepreneur I was coaching.
To make matters worse, at end of that same day, I caught myself playing my own blame game! It was a revelation for me and even though my intellectual mind knew that blaming others for my circumstances was not a healthy habit, I ended up doing it anyway. Why do we do this? What positive result does it bring? Why is it so hard to stop? Wouldn’t we be better off if we ceased and desisted? I reflected a bit on my own blaming pattern and was able to find some interesting correlation to results that I want to have and results I was receiving.
Blaming others is one of worst things you can do in relation to emotional integrity. It is distantly related to an addiction. Pretty soon almost everything that does not happen according to your liking becomes someone else’s fault.
If you want to become a progressive leader - if excellence and success is your motto in life - then blaming others cannot be tolerated. Once I reached this firm realization, I implemented several steps to help me overcome blaming addiction and take responsibility for myself.
1.Be aware. Too often we fail to notice that we are playing blame game. It’s a natural defense mechanism. Paying attention to how we respond when questioned about our actions or performance is first step in taking responsibility.
2.Respond responsibly. Just as blaming is a defensive move, so is reacting. Rather than react – we should respond. While we might want to react immediately with a burst of anger, stop and consider choices. We have a choice of reacting impulsively or responding cautiously to situation. What will your choice be?
3.Be honest. Let’s face it - some people simply like to place blame in order to be relieved of responsibility. That shows a huge lack of self-honesty. Case in point: one client, who made a six-figure income, was stuck in debt. He lived far beyond his means and was very casual with his finances, causing himself and his family to suffer. When I asked question “Who else is paying price for your financial irresponsibility “, his answer was SILENCE. My question caused him to be honest with himself, and triggered him to take drastic actions in order to improve his financial life. Lying to yourself only causes problem to get worse… not better.
