Here’s
scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask “What’s wrong?”. But no answer is spoken, tears just keep coming out, and vocal cords just keep on saying “waaaaaaah!”. You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he’s asked questions like “Is something hurting you?” or “Are you hungry?” he doesn’t answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, frustration builds up within you. You just can’t get through to him. He’s just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there’s this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain’t budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you’re dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have kind of home environment where: not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become “bad” children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don’t know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around house that’s not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling’s hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
