Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005.
TWITS, TWERPS & TWIZZLE STICKS
-- Or, there's more to being dumb than you think! --
North America, (and some might even go so far as to include a country due north of 49th parallel known as "The Land of Ice & Snow"), has a quixotic fascination with, if not a fondness for, simple-minded souls.
A quick check of my favorite Internet search engine, “Google”, reveals no less than 1,990,000 pages devoted to “dummies”. In second place, we have a mere 1,670,000 web pages highlighting antics of “idiots”. And third place goes to ship of “fools”, containing more than 1,610,000 pages of bewildering bumpf designed to bemuse if not boggle brains of “bozos” and their close relatives, bucolic “bumpkins”.
To meet ever-increasing demands of this “mental giant” mega-market, we now have an entire easy-to-read book industry that publishes “how to” guides for “idiots” and “dummies”. “Fools” have yet to agree on who should represent their scatter-brained needs and lollygagging pursuits. And, since “Bozos” and “Bumpkins” have rather infinitesimal brains, their only aspiration in life is to eat, drink, sleep, and fight a lot.
To appreciate importance of this fatuous fraternity, I have compiled a list of more than 400 English language words and phrases used to describe those who are said to be insignificant souls lacking common powers of understanding, judgment and prudence, or those who manage to spend their ludicrous lifetime trifling with trivial matters.
If you come across some new words, feel free to try them out on your friends, family members, or perhaps even a few foes. With a bit of practice, you can then share them with far flung folk who might enjoy adding a little levity to their deep-in-thought days as “dweebs”, “dingbats”, or “dunderheads”.
For those with sixty-second attention spans, just throw a dart to select your weird word for day!
A: Aardvark, Addlebrain, Addle-Cove, Afterling, Airball, Airhead, “All Gong and No Dinner”, Also-Ran, Arm Candy, Arse, Ass
B: Babbler, “Bag of Nails”, “Bag of Wind”, Balmy, Batbrain, Batty, Bazooka, Beanbrain, Bean-Head, Bearded-Weirdie, Bel-Shangle, Billy Barlow, Binlid, Birdbrain, Biscuit-Eater, Bizarro, Blatherskite, Blitherer, Blockhead, Block Ornament, Blob, Bloke, Blowhole, Blubberhead, Blunderbuss, Blunderhead, Blue Devil, Blutterbunged, Bogue, Bollocks, Boffo, Bonehead, Bonetop, Boob, Booberkin, Boofa, Boofer, Booby, Boor, Bore, Botcher, Bozo, Brainless Wonder, Brick, Brown Bagger, Bubble, Bubblehead, Buffle, Bufflehead, Buffoon, Buffy, Bullheaded, Bum, Bump On a Log, Bumpkin, Bungler, Bunny, Bush Bunny, Bush-Leaguer, Buttered Bun, Butterfingers, Butthead, Buttinski, Butt Munch, Buzzard
C: Cabbage-Head, Cad, Cheese Cake, Chooch, Chuff, Chump, Churl, Clam, Clatterbox, Clatterbrain, Clod, Clodhopper, Clodplate, Clodpole, Clone, Closet Case, Clot, Clown, Clueless, Cluck, Cluckhead, Clumperton, Clunker, Cockamamie, Codfish, Coot, Corkhead, Country Chub, Crackpot, Crank, Crazy Arse, Cream-Puff, Cretan, Crock, Cuckoo, Cully
D: Daffy, Dandyprat, Dansey-Headed, Deadbeat, Dead From The Ears Up, Deadhead, Dialtone, Dickbrain, Dickey-Dido, Dickhead, Dilberry, Dildock, Dim Bulb, Dimwit, Dingaling, Dingbat, Dingleberry, Dink, Dipshit, Dipstick, Ditz, Div, Divvy, Dizzy Flat, Dodo, Dodo Bird, Doddypoll, Do-Little, Dolt/ish, Donkey, Doobie, Doodle, Doofus, Doorknob, Door-Stopper, Dope, Dopey, Dork, Dorkhead, Dotard, Drip, Drone, Drooly, Drop-Case, Dropkick, Duck, Dud, Duffer, Dudley Do-Gooder, Dullard, Dull Pickle, Dull Swift, Dull-witted, Dumbbell, Dumbhead, Dum-Dum, Dumb-Ox, Dummkopf, Dummling, Dummy, Dunce, Dunderhead, Driveller, Dweeb, Dweezle
E: Eccentric, Egghead, Egg-Sucker, El Dorko, Empty-headed