Written by Theolonius McTavish

Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005.


-- Or, there's more to being dumb than you think! --

North America, (and some might even go so far as to include a country due north ofrepparttar 49th parallel known as "The Land of Ice & Snow"), has a quixotic fascination with, if not a fondness for, simple-minded souls.

A quick check of my favorite Internet search engine, “Google”, reveals no less than 1,990,000 pages devoted to “dummies”. In second place, we have a mere 1,670,000 web pages highlightingrepparttar 118077 antics of “idiots”. And third place goes torepparttar 118078 ship of “fools”, containing more than 1,610,000 pages of bewildering bumpf designed to bemuse if not bogglerepparttar 118079 brains of “bozos” and their close relatives,repparttar 118080 bucolic “bumpkins”.

To meetrepparttar 118081 ever-increasing demands of this “mental giant” mega-market, we now have an entire easy-to-read book industry that publishes “how to” guides for “idiots” and “dummies”. “Fools” have yet to agree on who should represent their scatter-brained needs and lollygagging pursuits. And, since “Bozos” and “Bumpkins” have rather infinitesimal brains, their only aspiration in life is to eat, drink, sleep, and fight a lot.

To appreciaterepparttar 118082 importance of this fatuous fraternity, I have compiled a list of more than 400 English language words and phrases used to describe those who are said to be insignificant souls lacking common powers of understanding, judgment and prudence, or those who manage to spend their ludicrous lifetime trifling with trivial matters.

If you come across some new words, feel free to try them out on your friends, family members, or perhaps even a few foes. With a bit of practice, you can then share them with far flung folk who might enjoy adding a little levity to their deep-in-thought days as “dweebs”, “dingbats”, or “dunderheads”.

For those with sixty-second attention spans, just throw a dart to select your weird word forrepparttar 118083 day!

A: Aardvark, Addlebrain, Addle-Cove, Afterling, Airball, Airhead, “All Gong and No Dinner”, Also-Ran, Arm Candy, Arse, Ass

B: Babbler, “Bag of Nails”, “Bag of Wind”, Balmy, Batbrain, Batty, Bazooka, Beanbrain, Bean-Head, Bearded-Weirdie, Bel-Shangle, Billy Barlow, Binlid, Birdbrain, Biscuit-Eater, Bizarro, Blatherskite, Blitherer, Blockhead, Block Ornament, Blob, Bloke, Blowhole, Blubberhead, Blunderbuss, Blunderhead, Blue Devil, Blutterbunged, Bogue, Bollocks, Boffo, Bonehead, Bonetop, Boob, Booberkin, Boofa, Boofer, Booby, Boor, Bore, Botcher, Bozo, Brainless Wonder, Brick, Brown Bagger, Bubble, Bubblehead, Buffle, Bufflehead, Buffoon, Buffy, Bullheaded, Bum, Bump On a Log, Bumpkin, Bungler, Bunny, Bush Bunny, Bush-Leaguer, Buttered Bun, Butterfingers, Butthead, Buttinski, Butt Munch, Buzzard

C: Cabbage-Head, Cad, Cheese Cake, Chooch, Chuff, Chump, Churl, Clam, Clatterbox, Clatterbrain, Clod, Clodhopper, Clodplate, Clodpole, Clone, Closet Case, Clot, Clown, Clueless, Cluck, Cluckhead, Clumperton, Clunker, Cockamamie, Codfish, Coot, Corkhead, Country Chub, Crackpot, Crank, Crazy Arse, Cream-Puff, Cretan, Crock, Cuckoo, Cully

D: Daffy, Dandyprat, Dansey-Headed, Deadbeat, Dead From The Ears Up, Deadhead, Dialtone, Dickbrain, Dickey-Dido, Dickhead, Dilberry, Dildock, Dim Bulb, Dimwit, Dingaling, Dingbat, Dingleberry, Dink, Dipshit, Dipstick, Ditz, Div, Divvy, Dizzy Flat, Dodo, Dodo Bird, Doddypoll, Do-Little, Dolt/ish, Donkey, Doobie, Doodle, Doofus, Doorknob, Door-Stopper, Dope, Dopey, Dork, Dorkhead, Dotard, Drip, Drone, Drooly, Drop-Case, Dropkick, Duck, Dud, Duffer, Dudley Do-Gooder, Dullard, Dull Pickle, Dull Swift, Dull-witted, Dumbbell, Dumbhead, Dum-Dum, Dumb-Ox, Dummkopf, Dummling, Dummy, Dunce, Dunderhead, Driveller, Dweeb, Dweezle

E: Eccentric, Egghead, Egg-Sucker, El Dorko, Empty-headed

my first day as the Easter Bunny

Written by keith merritt

My first day asrepparttar Easter Bunny. The set is moving. There are animatronics. No one told me there’d be animatronics A rabbit with a busted plaster ear eternally chases cabbages, which are inexplicably spinning, spinning. A tiny farmer, armed with a pitchfork ( a real pitchfork, mind you, on a children’s set---madness. ) a farmer futilely tries to defend his garden. One of his arms looks like it was broken and set wrong; it sticks out at a weird angle. There is fake green grass, little white picket fences, a shed with a big ornate garden chair for kids to sit and pose withrepparttar 118076 Easter Bunny. There are no kids yet. One young guy is manningrepparttar 118077 fort. As I approach, I think, ‘he doesn’t know my face, I could still walk away’...walk away, it echoes in some dim part of my mind that still has dignity. But I know this is my destiny. Appointed by God, or drilled into my psyche from childhood; some forgotten moment when mommy laughed and smiled at an unpremeditated antic. A stumble, a surprised look....resulting in laughter. A clown is born. And so here we are.

I tellrepparttar 118078 guy my name. We go to ‘suit up’. There are hidden places in malls, walls with keyholes, that open into large empty spaces used to store stuff. The suit is there. I must admit it is beautiful. Pristine, first snow of winter white. Soft, lovely fur. Except for one little brown spot onrepparttar 118079 belly. The guy tells me ‘There was an ice cream incident. “ I put onrepparttar 118080 suit. It fits perfectly, of course. All white, with a pink belly,repparttar 118081 body ofrepparttar 118082 suit alone makes me feel like Sasquatch. I picture me walking, big arm swings inrepparttar 118083 woods, grainy image, I look back over my shoulder, Wild Easter bunny , showing contempt for humankind. The feet are enormous boats of white spongy material. They go on right over my old boots. (the same boots that stepped inrepparttar 118084 poop of Shaq oneals dog, at another weird job. ) The bunny hands consist of thumbs and one big finger. And thenrepparttar 118085 head. It’s a really nice one. Shiny, pink nose, big dopey red smiley mouth, repparttar 118086 expression perpetual surprise, amazed with happiness that this child showed up, this old best friend. When you put onrepparttar 118087 head forrepparttar 118088 first time, you think ‘maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.’ . The head is hot. Let’s start like that. Go into your attic, rip some of that pink, fluffy stuff offrepparttar 118089 walls, wrap it tightly around your head. Now go outside on a hot summer day and cavort, Dance around, wave, hop, gesture, shake your head. Imagine there’s a government sniper watching you through a scope with orders to shoot if you stop moving. This isrepparttar 118090 Easter Bunny experience. But I don’t want to giverepparttar 118091 impression it wasn’t fun. I found it immensely so. But then I’m weird.

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