WORD COUNT: 609

While I was sitting quietly in my throne room this morning at my Palace on Dallas in beautiful downtown Victoria, British Columbia, Canada (a quaint, quirky colonial outpost right smack dab on San Andreas fault line), my mind began to wander and ponder.

Of course when you’re waiting for “big things” to happen or, ...patiently standing on one foot for your ship to arrive at bus station, or heaven forbid ...lollygagging about because Godot hasn’t turned up yet to give you a reason for being -- something odd is bound to happen. Don’t ask me why, it just does.

Which brings me to random topic of “things that go bump in night” (TTGBIT). Not being quivering or querulous sort, I decided to inquire further into wonderful world of TTGBIT.

However, when I typed www.things-that-go-bump-in-the-night.com into my web browser, I landed on something called “bravepages”. Expecting to meet Robin Hood, Red Dwarf or maybe my favorite white-haired classic TV-Western film star, Hop-a-long Cassidy and his colleague “The Cisco Kid”, to my dismay I received a rather strange invitation to sign up for a free website -- not quite what I was expecting, -- but nevertheless an “awesome” experience, as younger generation would say.

Ever inquisitive type, I now have only 42,300 websites to wade through according to folks at www.google.com/. What a perfect project for “Empress of Everything” to undertake instead of usual royal duties ...you know, proffering pithyless proclamations, knighting every knave in realm, or taking wretched Corgis for a walk.

WORD COUNT: 577

While many disparage advent of glitches in our wired world, only way to find solace and sanity is to return to ancient teachings.

"Haiku", (a Japanese style of poetry), offers readers a way to experience daily dilemmas of our digital community from a novel perspective.

So, for those of you who have no intention of going back in time or, unearthing gold-leaf tomes in your basement, just tune in to Happy Haiku Harridan for your daily dose of wonky wisdom.

Below are a few little gems by anonymous authors. I’ve also added a few of my own for good measure.

1. The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

4. Windows NT crashed. I am Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.

5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

7. Stay patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.

8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?

10. You step in stream, but water has moved on. This page is not here.

11. Out of memory. We wish to hold whole sky, but we never will.

12. Having been erased, document you're seeking must now be retyped.