Written by Victoria Elizabeth

PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: Publishers wishing to use this article are invited to emailrepparttar author a courtesy copy of their publication, for citation purposes.


It's amazing what "Perfectly Normal Beasts" will do in a pinch. Being a "Beast" is one thing, but being a "Perfectly Normal Beast" is quite another.

And being a Perfectly Normal Beast in a pinch, well that's a fate worse than death (especially if hunter-matadors are involved).

Now, if you'rerepparttar 118176 least bit curious about "Life,repparttar 118177 Universe and Everything" (including a blessed Bob-fearing planet that shall remain nameless), then you probably know all about Perfectly Normal Beasts.

But, if you've never hazarded a guess about Life,repparttar 118178 Universe and Everything and are slightly overwhelmed by such an XL-thought, fear not.

If lost ...then follow these simple instructions:

The following list will help you to navigaterepparttar 118179 very first stage of this protracted process called, "Discovering Life,repparttar 118180 Universe and Everything".

Take a deep breath, think nice thoughts, and follow these instructions (remember -- no ands, ifs, or buts).

Ahem! May I have your attention please!! LISTEN UP TWATS!!! Enough withrepparttar 118181 tah tah, tally ho, pip pip and all that ... just work with me people and:

(a) show up at any airport,

(b) bring along your passport and a small bag (that you've packed yourself naturally) and,

(c) obtain a boarding pass forrepparttar 118182 next "Flight of Fancy" (departing whenever enough folks like you show up to take it for goodness sake).

Meanwhile back atrepparttar 118183 ranch...

Getting back to Perfectly Normal Beasts -- (PNBs for short) -- andrepparttar 118184 perfectly normal things that they do.

Well for starters, you'll know when you've run into them if they:

(1) appear to be huge, hot and heaving hoofers (that you've never set eyes upon in a petting zoo or better yet, never even accosted in a dank, dark, and dreary alleyway -- thank your lucky stars and get your buns outta there!)


Written by James L. Snyder

This week I celebrate another birthday, which brings me to that auspicious milestone where I am right between 52 and 54. A person only comes to this stage of life once, so I am going to makerepparttar most of it.

This year I plan celebrating my 29th birthday. I figure it's my birthday, so I should be able to celebrate whichever one I please. Twenty-nine isrepparttar 118175 perfect age; this isrepparttar 118176 third time for me to celebrate it and it probably will not berepparttar 118177 last.

At 29, you are not overrepparttar 118178 hill and yet you are far enough from those turbulent teenage years not to be mistaken by anyone for a teenager. Everybody knows that 30 is overrepparttar 118179 hill and it is all down hill from there. However, it can be a pleasant slide into those golden years, so they tell me.

I have come to this conclusion. When a person reaches 30, they should celebrate their birthday every other year, then, after 50 only celebrate their birthday whenever they remember it. It will cut down onrepparttar 118180 fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A person should only be as old asrepparttar 118181 birthdays they can remember.

Lying about one's age has become an acceptable practice for many. Women, in particular, have masteredrepparttar 118182 finesse in this area. After all, what man in his right mind (if you can find one in his right mind) would ever accuse a woman, especially his wife, of fibbing here?

As long as there are stretch marks, people will stretchrepparttar 118183 truth about their nativity. Beware ofrepparttar 118184 person who does not lie about their age. They are trying to throw you off guard for something.

Men can lie about their golf game, or how bigrepparttar 118185 fish that got away was but when it comes to their age, women have them beat, hands down. Men have never masteredrepparttar 118186 technique crucial to lying about how many candles should go on that annual cake.

Men have a ridiculous notion that getting older is good. "I'm 65 and still can dorepparttar 118187 work of any 25-year-old," isrepparttar 118188 boast you often hear fromrepparttar 118189 male populous. Most women will never admit to being 65, let alone comparing themselves to some 25-year-old.

This brings me to a very important inquiry: How to tell you're getting old. After all, old is relative - only your relatives are getting old.

The first telltale sign of getting older is that you begin to notice certain changes around you. For example, when I first began reading this newspaper they printed it in nice bold type. Now they are using much smaller print.

I thinkrepparttar 118190 change relates to some economical concernrepparttar 118191 publisher has. After all, smaller type means they can print more words per page. Ifrepparttar 118192 trend continues, they will be able to printrepparttar 118193 entire newspaper on one page.

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