THERE AWTAABEA LAW!Written by LINDA LANDRY
THERE AWTAABEA LAW! BY LINDA LANDRY (c)
We have rules for everything from grammar and spelling to traffic and behavior. The Internet is becoming 'ruled' as well. You become a SPA'MMER if you solicit your wares without permission. You are YELLING if you use capital letters to send your message and you are rude and inconsiderate if you expose your email list to everyone in your mailbox when you forward a little ditty or two.
Now I am convinced that everyone also had rules at dinner table. Your Mom taught you etiquette! She told you to wash your hands before dinner. Didn't she tell you to keep your elbows off table and put your napkin on your lap and not to talk with food in your mouth? My Mom was not a socialite or Miss Manners by any means but these table RULES were taught early on. The first and most important one in my book was not to blow your nose at table. It sounds so disgusting; why would anyone do so anyway?
Restaurants have rules. Some don't take checks.
My Blood Pressure Was Fine Throughout (The state of the NHS)Written by Holmes Charnley
Ah, well, now, wasnít that all very pleasant, eh? A few alco-pops to celebrate a year with my sweetheart, yes, an anniversary in other words, and, ooh, I feel a bit sick all of a sudden, and, oh, heck, I seem to be spewing black blood down pan. Hmmm. Not so good after all. Well, hmmm, uh, I guess, well, I know, Iíll just pretend that didnít happen and maybe all will be ok. Well, actually, no, I ought to tell someone.
So, when my sweetheart had got back from town that morning, I let it slip. Big mistake. Before I know where I am, thereís a doctor doing some bedside vigil, blood pressure performance. My blood pressure was fine. Well, to be honest, I felt kind of glad that Iíd let people know, cos, well, it could have been serious.
Well, he was concerned, and wanted me to get to hospital straight away, and, though I didnít really want to, I was driven there, where, due to it being an emergency, I saw a nurse in a room adjacent to waiting room who took my blood pressure, which was fine. Due to urgency of there having been blood in my vomit, I was told to go to waiting room, where I would be seen to immediately.
Three hours later, my name was called and I was given a bed in A and E department, where they took my blood pressure. It was still fine. I was told to wait, as due to there having been blood in my vomit, I would have to stay in for night, so my condition could be monitored, so, another three hours later, due to urgency of my case, I was put into a wheelchair and wheeled to Emergency Medical Unit, where I was to have my bed for night.
Once there, because of emergency that had happened 10 hours ago, they felt it imperative to take my blood pressure, but, phew! against all odds, it seemed fine. That was a close one. I donít like needles, and, because I have quite small veins, extraction of blood can be a quite lengthy process, but, when doctor came to see me an hour or so later, she sent me to tourniquet hell, but seven attempts later, a droplet was ceremoniously, and carefully, allowed to dribble down a test tube, where it would be sent for analysis. As I said, I donít like needles, so I was kind of done in when she came to take my blood pressure, but even recent trauma of a needle, allowed her to proclaim proudly, that all was fine. Thatís ok, then.
You may remember that I had been sick several epochs earlier. I tend to feel a bit thirsty after a drink night before, but due to askew frantic nature of day, I hadnít had a drink of water, but, thank lord, I was now allowed one.
I had spewed last nightís tea up earlier, but hadnít been allowed to eat anything. I was a tad thirsty and mightily ravenous, but, I ended day, with a sip of water and Ronnie Corbettís autobiography, where, for such a little fellow, his chapters seemed unnaturally fixated on what he eats at certain golfing functions.