But I will wear sunglasses all same for I am emotional as poets come as emotional as Thomas who found solace in a bottle as emotional as Byron who went to Avalon without a drink.

IT'S MIRTHFUL MAY! -- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in May 2005 --

Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

Let’s see…it’s MIRTHFUL MAY. According to Calendar of Quips, we’re already five months into “Year of Rooster”.

If you’re not a rooster, you’re plumb out of luck this year. Forget about finding a bag of loot in barnyard, it has rooster’s name on it not yours. But there is one day you can take credit for, “Poppycock Appreciation Day”!

But if you’re into dancing around a May pole, sending a soppy Mother’s Day card, or maybe even dressing up like a cow in Island Dairy Victoria Day parade in British Columbia’s capital city – you’ve hit jackpot.

On other hand, you could chuck whole thing and take your long awaited a trip to visit Uncle Tootall in Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario.

Are you really committed to chewing fat with weird Aunt Willow, playing with all those ill-behaved pets, not to mention swatting black flies and listening to those morally-uplifting tales around campfire about joys of living in “God’s Country”?

Why not just stay home and enjoy frivolous festivities of MIRTHFUL MAY plus glorious mayhem that may result from having a good time.

1. "May Pole Dancing Appreciation Day" (put on your dancing shoes, it’s time to trip light fantastic …no that doesn’t mean gawking at girls in g-strings)

2. "Whoohoo Awareness Day" (now’s your time to shine spotlight on anyone you know with questionable attitudes, unusual proclivities, and tasteless pastimes)

3. "SNAFU Appreciation Day" (it’s definitely time to celebrate “Silly No-Nos and Funny Undertakings” that truly drive people up wall or around bend)

4. "You Deal With It Day" (the one occasion when all those “yes” folk get to surprise everyone by declaring "No" – You Deal With It …I’m going fishing today, so there!)

5. "Polka Dot & Plaid Day" (another mirthful mix and match day – a great way to make a fashion statement by wearing any weird wardrobe you please!)

6. "Toot Your Own Horn Day" (time to flaunt every frigging diploma/award you’ve got – like “Best Kisser in World”, “First Class Stud” or “Grade 2 Grad”)

7. "Party Pooper Appreciation Day" (time to suggest that all wet-blanket wunderkinds you know visit a God-forsaken place like Zap, North Dakota)

8. "Of Course I Love You Day" (time to honor Momma Bears, or more to point, wonder-women who have brought all those bundles of joy into world -- a little more flower-power if you please!)

9. "Broccoli & Brussel Sprout Appreciation Day" (for those who haven’t got a clue what frigging finger-foods are or how to make a heart-healthy veggie burger)

10. "One-Eyed-One-Horned-Flying-Purple-People-Eater Day" (time to discover what doesn’t hang out in a petting zoo, inhabit a fish tank, or live on Mars)

11. "National Nosey-Parker Day" (in recognition of all interlopers, meddlers and busybodies you know who couldn’t survive without a piece of juicy gossip)

12. "Pluto Appreciation Day" (let “nonsense” be your guide; just ask everyone you meet today what attractions they would suggest you see when you visit your favorite planet in our solar system next week)