My father’s senseless death in 2001 left my life in shambles. Finding
strength and dignity to go on for myself and my children proved to be most difficult feat ever. Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death in itself is hard to cope with but when someone you love intentionally takes their life, this pain is somehow multiplied many times over. Your mind races with unanswered questions and your heart pounds in shock – then it hits you. They are GONE, taken from this earth by their own actions, and there is nothing you can do to get them back.
Most people struggle with ultimate unanswered question – WHY?
Why would they do this? Why didn’t I help? Why didn’t I see it coming? Why was I not there for this person? Why didn’t I call more, visit more, and pay more attention? Although there can be a multitude of factors that made this person’s life difficult, nobody truly knows what drives a person to take their own life. For many survivors this ‘why’ question will haunt them forever.
After all whys and flooding tears comes reality. The emotional rollercoaster of reality; time you realize it’s too late for prevention, too soon for comfort, but yet somehow you need to cope with what has happened. So many thoughts, emotions, memories, solutions, all of which bring no comfort to persisting finality forced upon you.
There is some truth to saying that ‘Time Heals All Wounds’ as somehow in aftermath of death and tragedy, sharpness of pain wears itself down. Grief and sorrow withstanding; aching dulls with passage of time. Although counseling is an effective healing method for some, it does not work for everyone. Each person needs to somehow find a place for this emptiness somewhere within layers of their life. Finding psycho-philosophical layer that allows you to accept this affliction and move forward is most challenging of surviving factors.
