“Most marriage failures are courtship failures” -- PAUL H. LANDIS

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And that’s true. A good courtship makes a good marriage. But problem is that some do not even know purpose of courtship, and when to begin it.

Most courtships are no less than crushes -- an infatuated love for a favorite teacher, pop star or some other celeb. And this starts earlier in girls than in boys.

These daydreamers, however, end up sick and depressed. Because truth is that they may never get to meet such one in person, all their life. Even when they do, there is little chance that love they crave for such “idols” will be returned. In most cases those “idols” are not even aware of “love.”

So be real about your date. And this would involve asking yourself some personal questions that will help you to find out if you are not deceiving yourself. These questions are: How well do I really know this person? Am I blinded to his personal flaws? Is person perfect? Have I fallen in love with an image? Would I ever get to meet this person in my life?

If answers you get make you think that you are on wrong road, put your automobile in reverse, fast. Do things that will keep you busy. Stop romanticizing. Seek help from your parents, or friends.

Then someday, you will find “real love”, and your right date. But before you start seeing each other, you have to be warned of dark side of dating.

The Dangers of Dating

Do not date for fun. Dating should start when you are ready for marriage. In fact it is part of process of getting right marriage mate.

Teenagers and others, who dated for fun of it, have ended up committing sexual immorality before knowing it. It normally starts with holding hands, an innocent kiss, then fondling with intimate body parts, and finally, sex.

Then one day relationship breaks up, leaving couples to suffer emotional trauma. Some end up in hospital beds, or psychiatric homes, some commit abortions while others commit suicide. Others live for life with a wounded conscience. Would you want that to happen to you? Of course not.

Dating itself is not wrong. But it is wrong to date for wrong reason. The following questions will help you to have a successful courtship.

Why am I dating?

It is okay if you are dating with marriage in view. But it is wrong when you are just flirting around with a member of opposite sex, just to get attention.

Would dating help me to grow emotionally?

Limiting yourself to a boy-girl relationship will hinder your social and emotional development. This will not help your maturity and prepare you to select a mate.

Do you want to hurt yourself?

If you pursue an unrealistic relationship, you will hurt yourself later. You may be disappointed by other person. And it may take you some time to regain your composure.

What do my parents and others say about relationship?

Your friends or parents may draw your attention to dangers in your relationship. Would it not be wise for you to take a hard look at facts, and pack it up? After all, they have affection for you, and your parents who are older and wiser, should know better.

Will I be able to keep my courtship honorable?

This means that your relationship should not cross from seeing each other, to having premarital sex. So if your date decides to call off relationship, you would still have kept your chastity and moral integrity intact. The reverse is bad news.

The following are rules of dating.

Do not date until you are old enough and ready to get married.

Do not date someone you don’t love.

Keep your relationship chaste.

Do not go to your date alone. Have a chaperon by you.

Be properly dressed, and be on time when you visit your date.

Keep your visit informal and relaxed. Converse and listen well.

Try to know as much as possible about your date.

Do not dodge sensitive matters. Discuss them.

Of course! Men who cannot afford social ornaments sometimes want inferior wives. Why? Often because they harbor a great sense of inferiority. Therefore at all economic levels there are some men who want apparently weak and docile women whom they can dominate completely, who will not put up any arguments, and who will do as they are told without any "ifs," "ands," or "buts." Likewise there are women who either want to be dominated, or who are so eager to marry that they will do so under such circumstances.

What about "ordinary man" who has no serious feelings of inadequacy, and who cannot afford, and does not desire a social ornament? Does he demand that his wife not have too many brains?

Certainly he wants her to be intelligent enough to do her job well. He does not want to feel ashamed of her because of her stupidity. Actually, too, marriage will turn out more successfully if wife is smart enough to be interesting, and to help develop satisfying personal relationships.

Still, man usually does not want to feel inferior to his wife. But feeling inferior is not same as being inferior. Some men have a quiet pride in a wife who is smarter, provided that she is smart enough not to make him appear and feel inferior, especially in front of his friends.

Some men, like some women, want others to run things for them. This desire may result from an unwillingness to assume responsibilities. It may come from a deep-seated desire to be dominated. Whatever its basis, there are men who want to be dominated by their wives. In such cases, both of them should know it in advance.

The problem is not limited to what men in general, or this man in particular, may want. There is also social demand. The boy and girl who plan marriage should have a clear understanding of what entire situation actually is, including its contradictions which they must somehow resolve.

Our culture expects husband to be intellectually superior to his wife. Yet actually, he is not and in many cases cannot be. By law of chances, there will be almost as many wives who are superior to their husbands, as husbands who are superior to their wives. So what to do?