"How do you tell legitimate hope from unfounded hope? By looking carefully at facts" -- DR. HOWARD HALPERN .......................................

If you were asked to mention qualities you want in a mate, no doubt you will list all wonderful human qualities on earth. Perhaps you will not forget to mention that you will like your mate to be loving and caring. Well, that is good.

But you start wrong way. You should have started by asking yourself if you possess those "angelic" qualities in your master list. For example, ask yourself, Am I loving and caring?

You see, everyone looks for different qualities in a mate. For instance, what appeals to me, may not appeal to you. No wonder it is said that what is one man's meat is another man's poison.

This reminds me of one beautiful lady who loved Socrates Greek philosopher for his intelligence, and asked for his hand in marriage. She reasoned that they would make excellent children. Because their children would combine her beauty with Socrates' intelligence.

But beautiful lady, a dullard who could not add one and one, forgot something which ugly Socrates reminded her. "What if our children combine your empty brain with my ugly face?" he asked. And that ended it.

So, it means that we should look for a rounded mate. One quality alone is not enough. And we too should posses qualities that our mate should look at and admire. But what questions should you first ask yourself?

Am I willing to make a life long commitment to my partner? Matthew 19: 6

You don't marry today with view to divorcing tomorrow, if things don't go your way. Marriage is a life long commitment. God hates those who abandon their mates. -- Malachi 2: 13-16.

Am I now physically mature to make sound judgment? -- 1 Corinthians 7: 36

Picture teenage couples in a matrimonial wedlock. These ones are still going through changes in their life. Lack of any life experience, coupled with strong sexual desires incidental to their age, will distort their thinking and judgment.

Do I have traits that will help me to contribute to a successful marriage? -- Galatians 5: 22, 23.

You should try to cultivate those qualities that you want of your marriage mate. Compatibility is word. But know that even twins are not exactly identical. So don't even think of marrying a relative in order to make best out of marriage. And don't think you can change anyone. That is wishful thinking. Try changing yourself first!

Do I have maturity to support a male in difficult times? -- Galatians 6: 2.

It is not time to play blame game when problems arise. You will agree that we live in difficult times, and this calls for maturity in handling issues. That is why you are two. -- Ecclesiastes 4: 9, 10.

Am I a cheerful and optimistic person? -- Proverbs 15: 15

Theirs is an "action book" provided in traditional print form or in a downloadble e-book version that is "filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move on."

Relationship Experts Susie and Otto assert that their book "will take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship" and that "by going through this process, decision about what's best for you actually reveals itself to you."

Webster's Dictionary defines a relationship as "a romantic or passionate attachment." If you're in one, you might think that you've found heaven on earth. Or maybe something that's not quite so grand, just OK or so-so. Or possibly something far worse if your relationship is starting to seem more like hell on earth than heaven. In fact, things may seem so bad to you that you've started thinking seriously about leaving a relationship. And if you're married this could mean getting a divorce. Many of us have found ourselves in a similar situation and have suffered great anguish while trying to decide what to do -- stay in a relationship or leave it.