Studies have shown that eighty percent, of all males and females, fit into standard categories of strengths and weaknesses. Thus, it is comfortable, convenient, and or best fits their abilities for them to follow traditional teachings for their roles. If where you are within
eighty percent bracket, this article may not be for you. Though, if you are in other twenty percent category, likely, your mate will be too. In such cases, a marriage works much better when couples stop trying to fill standard expectations and carry roles God best equipped each for. However God created you; He did not make a mistake.
Having once experienced an abusive marriage and another kind of abuse in church, thought to be wrong gender to serve God, I had great need to 'know' God's intent for submission and obedience.
First, in an abusive relationship, obeying means things like ~ if you open a two liter of pop while mate it away, some of fiz could possibly fizzle out and who knew that would make them angry!? Though, you can expect to find yourself curled into a corner, in fetal position, protecting as many body parts as possible.
And, when church tells wives to obey, message is that this is what God is like.
Then, when God's calling was contrary to authority's acceptance, it would eat at my soul. God did not stop calling, as He did not change His mind (Ro. 11:29). To hear cries of others in need and to not be able to do anything about it was as much torment as being held captive/prisoner … sometimes, like it was happening to me all over again.
I had great need to 'know' and as a result of that search, these are among my findings.
In cases of submission ...
"Submitting yourselves one to another in fear of God," Ep. 5:21.
"I beseech you, brethren, (ye know house of Stephanas, that it is firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to ministry of saints,) That ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every one that helpeth with us, and laboureth," I Co. 16:15-16.
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in Lord," Co. 3:18.
We are all called to submission, one to another, to husbands; to everyone that helps and labors for God, regardless of gender.
Being that it is impossible to obey everyone at same time, we can conclude that to submit is not necessarily to obey. For, if husband were submitting to one another, in theory, he would also have to obey his wife. Since that is not a supported doctrine, either above verses are in error or we misunderstood meaning of submitting.
As I have found submission to mean, it is to listen to need of another's heart. Then, whenever it becomes necessary to alter my plan in order to meet their need, their true need should come first. In such, we should all be healers of one another's soul; including our mate's. We are to be willing vessels, allowing love of God to flow through us as often as God shows us a need.
People's wants and needs are different. We can know which is a true need by following God's example. Listen not to one's words but to cry of their heart. Our want should step out of way for another's 'need'.
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in Lord." Co. 3:18.
Whatever you believe word 'submit' means, consider this; "Wives, submit yourselves ... as it is fit in Lord." Co. 3:18. Notice verse does not say, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, or you are not fit in Lord." It says to submit to extent it "is fit in Lord."
So, if one's husband requests them to sleep with another man, is it fit in Lord? Of course not. So herein is, at very least, is an example of exception.
Obedience …
What we are to 'obey' is spiritual leadership (whether one calls it submission or by another name). When someone is spiritually leading, we will be able to hear Spirit and know that is God, it is Him speaking and it is fit in Him, as Spirit can not lie.
In such cases, we are not worshipping our husband. Our submission is to Lord. The same would be true, whomever Lord is speaking through. When Spirit touches our spirit, it is God. (Though, if we quench Spirit before He has had a chance to speak, we might miss God's best.)
So, if that be case, what could following verses mean?
"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and church," Ep. 5:31-32.
