Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the VictimsWritten by Dawn Fry
Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming VictimsHow many times have you flipped through pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like “Brats,” “Bullies,” or “Mean and Selfish”? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today’s media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America’s so-called “out-of-control” children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong. In Robert Shaw’s book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children, he asserts that “Our culture no longer offers what children need to truly thrive.” That is, some children are so unruly because society has unknowingly taught them to act this way Getting Down to Root of Problem The “epidemic” that Shaw discusses is a result of a deeply rooted social system called Authoritarianism, which is a system of behaviors that manipulate and control through pain and humiliation. These behaviors include blaming, shaming, preaching, moralizing, accusing, ridiculing, belittling, evaluating, labeling, threatening, judging, and punishing – all bullying behaviors. These behaviors disrespect, discourage, and devalue person to whom they are directed. When such authoritarian behaviors are imposed on children, end result is usually a loss of dignity and self-respect. Instead of helping them overcome their problems, these methods only make children feel worse about themselves, causing them to react by displaying same authoritarian behaviors. Authoritarian behaviors are so deeply rooted that even professional advocates who speak out against bullying resort to using same tactics. For example, on an episode of his TV. show, Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a teenage girl who was being verbally and physically abused by other girls at school. Since accused girls refused to appear on program, Dr. Phil delivered a message to them by looking and speaking directly into camera. When he began to ridicule accused girls and call them names, audience immediately applauded and cheered with approval. Both Dr. Phil and his audience were advocating very same behaviors that he was speaking against. Bullying is so deeply rooted in today’s society, that it now seems reasonable. Adding to our trouble, our nation as a whole has a reputation of being a bully because of our authoritarian behaviors. In fact, The San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article entitled “9/11 Reminds Chinese of America, a Global Bully.” In article a student at Beijing Institute of Science said, “America is a bully, so when someone hits back, it feels good.” When bullying is directed at children, cycle continues. Many bullied children end up being bullies themselves because “it feels good,” causing others to feel like victims for much of their life.
| | You Better Not Lie, I’m Telling You Why…Santa Claus Is ComingWritten by Dawn Fry
You Better Not Lie, I’m Telling You Why… Santa Claus Is Coming By Dawn FryHoliday season brings perennial return of Santa Claus. According to traditional lore, St. Nick flies around world on his reindeer-powered sleigh. He lavishes gifts upon good children of world, and as for naughty youngsters…well, they can expect lumps of fossil fuel in their stockings. This jovial, rotund old fellow provides a magical experience that enriches lives of children. Right? Well, not necessarily. Parents often recount their childhood stories as cherished memories and want to recreate same experiences for their children. Unfortunately, parents' good intentions may actually lead to mixed messages that may be harmful to children—and there is no magic in that. After taking a closer look at how Santa “fantasy” really affects children, you'll realize that it's time to give traditional Santa fantasy a modern makeover. You Better Not Pout…. “He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." The song "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" provides an example of mixed messages associated with traditional Santa Claus myth. In this song, take-home message for many children is: "Santa is watching you, so you better be good. If you are not good Santa won’t bring you toys." Adults, in some cases, take advantage of this message to control children's behavior. A department store employee once boasted that she had perfect way to keep customers’ children under control. Whenever children became unruly, she would warn them that Santa had cameras all over store, and he could see them being bad. If they didn't stop misbehaving, clerk warned, they wouldn’t receive any toys on Christmas. She took great pride in fact that this trick worked every time. What a creepy idea: Santa watches and judges you, and worse, he may even punish you. Youngsters believe that if they don’t perform in acceptable ways, Santa won’t bring them toys. This reward/punishment scenario encourages children to be good for sake of a reward, and even worse, it instills a sort of "Big Brother is watching" feeling. So be good to get toys, and be good because someone's watching you. What happened to be good for goodness sake? He's Gonna Find Out Who's Naughty or Nice…. Another harmful message implicit in Santa myth is that material objects reflect quality of character. In this faulty logic, if being good leads to toys, then receiving toys signify good behavior. Take, for instance, following example—a true story. After holidays, several children discussed exciting gifts Santa had brought them. One child claimed that she had been so good that Santa brought her bike she had really wanted. Another little girl, who had suffered parental abuse and neglect, listened to first girl's story. Later, in a very meek voice, she asked her caretaker a heartbreaking question: Since she had been good, when was Santa going to bring her bike? In this case, and unfortunately in others, Santa myth sets children up for disappointment and self-doubt. I'm Telling You Why…. At about age five children begin to question Santa myth by asking such questions as: ·Is Santa Claus real? ·How can he make it to all houses in one night? ·How can he fit down chimney? ·We don’t have a chimney, so how can Santa come to my house? ·How can this be Santa when we just saw him at another store? ·Do reindeer really fly?
|
