Do you have internal rules about how you expect people in your life to treat you?  Are you comfortable speaking up for yourself when someone crosses one of those lines?  Are you able to say no when you don't want to participate in something you've been asked to consider? 

Your ability to speak up for yourself, and to say no are directly related to your ability to set boundaries.  In this lesson, I'd like to explore what a boundary is, and identify where you may need to set and enforce boundaries in your life.

Boundaries

A boundary is a limit, or a behavioral line which cannot be crossed.  The manner in which you allow others to interact with you is governed by interpersonal boundaries you've defined in your life, and your enforcement of these boundaries is primary way you protect your emotional self.

When I work with someone to establish a personal system of boundaries we focus on three areas of behavior.  They include; manner in which you are spoken to, requests that are made of you, and physical space surrounding you.  Let's take a look at each of these areas.

Word Boundaries
The manner in which another individual speaks to you is reflective of both level of respect that person has for you, and standard of behavior person holds themselves to.  While you cannot impact standards of another person, you can require a standard of communication for their interaction with you.

I'll use my own boundaries as an example in this area.  I will not allow another person to raise their voice when speaking to me, to speak sarcastically or caustically to me, or to direct mean spirited teasing at me.  I have clearly defined my parameters for acceptable behavior in this area, and I am willing to enforce them when necessary.

Requirement Boundaries
Requirement boundaries are applicable to expectations that another person has about how you will allocate and invest your resources.  When another individual makes a request of you which you'd prefer to decline, you're in your requirement boundary zone.

I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't support people in your life.  I am suggesting that in event that you'd rather not participate in something, and you find yourself doing so out of a sense of obligation, you're not being true to yourself   It is in these instances that you may want to consider establishing clear boundaries.

Physical Boundaries
Have you ever had a conversation with an individual who continually moved into your space?  Have you known a person who repetitively touched you as you spoke with them?  These people lacked an understanding of physical boundaries.

She walked several kilometers bare- footed in winter cold to buy a Bible. But it was sold out before she got to her destination. What happened? Find out.

There are dreams and there are dreams. And there are dreamers and there are dreamers too. Some of these dreamers realize their dreams, while others have had their names writ in water. In some, theirs may be an ambition to rule empires, while for other young men, mere accomplishment of marrying a fair lady and living happily with her ever after in a hanging garden beside a blue sea, is a big dream.

Now consider one of these dreamers who dreams of owing a Bible. But family being very poor could barely provide food for members, not to talk of buying a Bible. Now this dreamer is not Biblical Joseph, dreamer. But her name is Mary Jones, a sixteen - year old girl born 1784 in a village in Wales that goes by curious name of Llanfihangel.

There is nothing wrong to dream of owning a Bible though. But odds against her are many. Because girl lived in wrong century and dreamed in wrong times. In those days, to own a Bible was to die. Like William Tyndale. Like Jan Hus. Like so many others.

But big dreamers are die- hards. And Mary was one of them. So this daughter of poor weavers started saving whatever money that she got in order to buy a Bible. It was Mary's parents that aroused her interest in Bible. They told her Bible stories and instilled fear of God in her heart. Since family never had a Bible, Mary often read a neighbor's Welsh Bible.

Then when she was sixteen years old in year 1800, news came that a few Welsh Bibles were available for sale at local church at Bala. She checked her box of coins. It was full. She told her parents that her dream was coming true. For she was going to Bala to buy her own copy of Bible.

The journey to Bala itself was not an easy one. From Llanfiangel in Atlantic coastline up to Bala in hinterland is over 40 kilometers. Again, she was to walk barefooted in middle of winter and without a winter coat or booth to get there. Furthermore, it was a steepy mountainous terrain, often rising, falling, and meandering here and there. And worse: it was a highway for robbers.

Few parents would allow a sixteen - year old daughter to take a risk. But few families have sixteen year olds who have a love for Bible. So on day of Mary's departure Mr. and Mrs. Jones bought bread and dried meat that would last her journey, tied them up in a large white handkerchief and put it in a basket.

Mary ties her coins in a neck handkerchief, puts it in pocket of her long dress, adorns a hat and carries her basket of provisions. And with a hug, a kiss and a goodbye from her parents, she starts long, uncertain journey to Bala.

She had thought of making journey in three days. She walked 18 kilometers first day. It was very cold and she shook all along journey. She only stopped to eat and rest under a tree. She was almost dropping dead when she sighted a watchman warming himself beside a fire in a village gate house. Not wanting to spend money by lodging in an inn, she begged watchman that he allow her to pass night in gate house.

"No problem" said old man spreading his palms by fire. "But who ye and where art thou goest this winter cold?" he asked.

"I am Mary. Going to Bala."

"That's 22 kilometers away, and no winter boots and coat" said old man absent mindedly. "Here's some hot soup. It'll do ye some good"

With that, he pours hot soup in two bowls. And they drink and talk of weather. Before .long, old watchman falls asleep followed by tired Mary.

In morning, she thanks old man, washed her face and continues her journey. Today, she walks 15 kilometers, stopping twice to rest and eat. What makes journey hard, is that she would have to climb and descend mountains. Her legs swoll and ached. And at night, she met a group of weavers who were working through night by a fireside. She indicated her willingness to help in loom for an opportunity to stay for night.

The curious weavers received her after hearing her story. She worked for a while and was allowed to even sleep in early morning hours. They even gave her a coin before she left in morning. When she was exhausted in evening, she dragged herself into an unlit gate house at outskirt of a village. The watchman was not there. Perhaps, he will be coming later, she thought. And she lay on a mat and slept away.

It was 2 am. Two thieves, Red Devil and Black Night were looking for someone to rob. The road was empty. It was plain that they would have to go hungry and empty handed. And night was cold. They looked into dark gate house. The night watchman didn't come. So they decided to go in and rest for a while before break of dawn. But to their surprise they found a girl fast asleep there. Red devil held her throat, while black night searched and took her money. After that, they take her remaining bread and meat, leaving cloth and basket; and ran away.

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The local apothecary generally called Dr. Hades found it unusual to be woken by this barefooted girl with a basket this early morning. After listening to her, he asked:

"Do you know them that stole your money?"

"No" was Mary's answer.

"And is that why you want to drink arsenic to kill yourself?

"Yes" she replies.

"But where did you get coin you want to use to pay for poison?"

She explained that it was a gift from some weavers whom she had helped to weave night before. But Dr. Hades was not satisfied with her answer. Perhaps, girl is a run-away—one of these bad girls in neighborhood. Perhaps, she needs food and a good sleep. He goes to an inner room, returns with a mixture which he gives to her, and asks her to use coin to buy some food.

Mary thanks him and walks to gatehouse. She spread white handkerchief on ground, finds a piece of rock and starts to write a suicide note on it, bottle of arsenic by her side. But halfway, she falls asleep.

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