1. Carrying Message Between Parents

A child doesn't like feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations about another. Children want parents to talk with each other so that messages are communicated right way and so that children don't feel like they are going to mess up.

Parents must take responsibility to talk directly with each other, especially if topic is likely to anger other parent. It is unfair to make your child carry messages to your "ex" because you find it too awkward or aggravating to do so yourself. It is also poor parenting to show by example to your child that you can resolve a problem with another person by not communicating or to suggest to a child that other parent is such a monster that you cannot speak or be civil with each other.

Wherever possible, communicate directly with other parent about matters relevant to children, such as scheduling, visitation, health habits, or school problems.

2. Getting Involve With Money Issues

Avoid arguing and discussing child support issues in front of children. How would you feel if you are that child hearing mom and dad arguing about your financial support? Most children upon hearing these things feel that their existence is some kind of parent's burden.

Who will pay for what and how available money should be spent are adult issues that parents must discuss directly. Do not put your children in middle of your child support disputes.

3. Hearing Criticisms Of The Other Parent

It hurts a child very much to hear one loved parent criticize other loved parent. Children see themselves as half of each parent. When children hear bad things about one parent, they hear bad things about half of themselves. If they hear bad things about both their parents, they feel that both halves of them must be of little worth.

Even if you are sure you're right, try to avoid criticizing other parent around kids, and try to find good things to say, or don't say anything at all.

The following is a list of destructive remarks that you should not make to your child. If you find yourself saying words like these, stop and think about their impact on your child.

· You're lazy/stubborn/bad tempered, just like your mother/father. · Your mother/father put you up to saying that. · Your dad/mom doesn't love any of us or he/she wouldn't have left us. · You can't trust her/him. · He/she was just no good. · If she/he loved you, she/he would send your support checks on time. · Someday you'll leave me too, just like your father/mother.

All of these remarks raise fear and anxiety in children.

E-mail or courtesy link appreciated when you publish mailto:Joyful-Productions@comcast.net --------------------------------------- Title: Beyond Words, a Child's Voice

Author: Patricia Gatto

Copyright 2004. All Rights Reserved.

Category: Parenting/Children's Issues/Empowerment

Word Count (including Resource Box): 875 --------------------------------------- Beyond Words, a Child's Voice Patricia Gatto ©2004 All Rights Reserved. Joyful Productions Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not unlike sound of constant rain. At first, rain is obvious as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief moment, you acknowledge intrusion. But slowly, rhythmic sounds fade into background, becoming nothing more than a distant drone.

We are fortunate to have ability to block out sounds like pouring rain; otherwise, it would be impossible for us to concentrate. But what happens when rain is actually voice of a child, and you are so focused on your own thoughts that you forget to hear?

Even most dedicated parent or caregiver can fail to hear understated nuances of a child's plea. It's impossible to play detective and uncover meaning behind every word and every gesture. Sometimes a whine is simply a whine. But if your busy schedule has you constantly preoccupied, you may be unintentionally shutting your child out. And if you're not there for your child, who will be?

Emotional and spiritual wellbeing are just as important as physical health. Even at a young age, you can help teach your child a simple technique that provides you with a means to hear voice beyond words. It's a little trick I learned from my Mom, and all you need is a piece of paper and a pencil.

I grew up in a large family. With five children, my Mom was concerned that she might miss a cue, a subtle hint that would indicate when one of us was in trouble or needed to talk, so she came up with a plan when we were very young.

Mom gathered us around kitchen table and took out a piece of paper and a pencil and she proceed to explained her concept at most basic level.