What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from
painful consequences.1. Carrying Message Between Parents
A child doesn't like
feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations about another. Children want parents to talk with each other so that
messages are communicated
right way and so that children don't feel like they are going to mess up.
Parents must take
responsibility to talk directly with each other, especially if
topic is likely to anger
other parent. It is unfair to make your child carry messages to your "ex" because you find it too awkward or aggravating to do so yourself. It is also poor parenting to show by example to your child that you can resolve a problem with another person by not communicating or to suggest to a child that
other parent is such a monster that you cannot speak or be civil with each other.
Wherever possible, communicate directly with
other parent about matters relevant to
children, such as scheduling, visitation, health habits, or school problems.
2. Getting Involve With Money Issues
Avoid arguing and discussing child support issues in front of
children. How would you feel if you are that child hearing mom and dad arguing about your financial support? Most children upon hearing these things feel that their existence is some kind of parent's burden.
Who will pay for what and how available money should be spent are adult issues that
parents must discuss directly. Do not put your children in
middle of your child support disputes.
3. Hearing Criticisms Of The Other Parent
It hurts a child very much to hear one loved parent criticize
other loved parent. Children see themselves as half of each parent. When children hear bad things about one parent, they hear bad things about half of themselves. If they hear bad things about both their parents, they feel that both halves of them must be of little worth.
Even if you are sure you're right, try to avoid criticizing
other parent around
kids, and try to find good things to say, or don't say anything at all.
The following is a list of destructive remarks that you should not make to your child. If you find yourself saying words like these, stop and think about their impact on your child.
· You're lazy/stubborn/bad tempered, just like your mother/father. · Your mother/father put you up to saying that. · Your dad/mom doesn't love any of us or he/she wouldn't have left us. · You can't trust her/him. · He/she was just no good. · If she/he loved you, she/he would send your support checks on time. · Someday you'll leave me too, just like your father/mother.
All of these remarks raise fear and anxiety in children.