Six ways to effectively speed up your P.C.

1.Place it on Jet, as close as possible to front. 2.Increase your ram by putting him on growth hormones. Fasten your P.C. onto your enhanced ram, taking care not to hinder or compromise his circulation. Then whip him with a U.S.B. hub, at end of two metres of cable. 3.Now this is a beauty! Give it maximum acceleration with an aircraft carrier "elastic thing"! 4.Swith your P.C. "on". 5.Take aforementioned Jet for a spin.

WHAT DO 'DEAD HORSE' AND 'DEVIL'S BACKBONE' HAVE IN COMMON? -- A Misguided Guide to Unusual Placenames in America --

It is said that England has more than a few rather quaint placenames such as Bodmin, Grimbister, Ipswich, Nobottle, No Man's Land, Pie Corner, Pratt's Bottom, Scrabster and Twatt but, they pale in comparison to plethora of picturesque placenames in "New World".

For those with precious little to do, why not take a wee peek at a few of curious and entertaining placenames found in United States of America (like Zap, North Dakota and Knockemstiff, Ohio).

This state of affairs naturally begs several questions.

1. Just who might be eager to visit these out-of-the-way, off-the-beaten track, and some might even say, downright peculiar places like Nothing, Arizona or Floyds Knobs, Indiana? 2. What do real estate agents say and do to attract new property owners to King of Prussia, Valentine or Santa Clause?

3. Who lives in Nags Head or Lynchburg?

4. Why would anyone name a place "Punxsutawney" unless of course, one had nothing better to do on "National Groundhog Appreciation Day"?

5. Where is Frostproof, Funkstown, Pottawattamie, Romeoville and Willacoochee anyway?

So grab yourself an atlas or a map and whatever you do, drop by and say hello to folks in:

-- Chicken, Deadhorse or Eek (Alaska)

-- Burnt Corn, Intercourse, Muck City, Rooster (Alabama)

-- Bagdad, Boneyard, Floss, Goobertown, Nothing, Why (Arizona)

-- Fannie, Greasy Corner, Grubbs, Hooker, Okay, Possum Grape, Smackover, Toad Suck, Turkey Scratch, Weiner, Yellville (Arkansas)

-- Blunt, Bummerville, Deadwood, Doghouse Junction, Frying Pan, Hellhole Palms, Hells Kitchen, Hooker, Last Chance, Mormon Bar, Needles, Ono, Prunedale, Rescue, Relief, Scarface, Squabbletown, Sucker Flat, Timbuctoo, Toad Town, Volcano, Weedpatch, Wimp, You Bet, Yreka Zzyzx (California)

-- Climax, Last Chance, No Name, Parachute, Purgatory (Colorado)

-- Giants Neck, Mianus, Moosup (Connecticut)

-- Howey-in-the-Hills, Kissimmee, Okahumpka, Sopchoppy, Two Egg, Weeki Wachee, Yeehaw Junction (Florida)

-- Between, Chickasawhatchee, Climax, Enigma, Hopeulikit, Talking Rock (Georgia)

-- Good Grief, Beer Bottle Crossing (Idaho)

--Bald Knob, Devil's Backbone, Grand Detour, Kickapoo, Paw Paw, Roachtown (Illinois)

-- French Lick, Gnaw Bone, Loogootee, Naked City, Roachdale, Toad Hop (Indiana)

-- Diagonal, Gravity, What Cheer (Iowa) Perdition, Ransom (Kansas)

-- Beaver Lick, Bugtussle, Chicken Gizzard, Crummies, Do Stop, Monkeys Elbow, Mousie, Mud Lick, Oddville, Ogle, Spring Lick, Rabbit Hash, Typo (Kentucky)

-- Belcher, Cut-Off, Fort Necessity, Grosse Tete, Mudville, Tickfaw, Waterproof (Louisana)

-- Bald Head, Dickey, Beans Corner Bingo (Maine)

-- Accident, Assawoman Bay, Boring, Crapo, Cockeysville (Maryland)