You've heard old saying, " The best gift to give someone is something you would like or buy for yourself." WRONG! We are individuals, and we each have our own personal style, wants, desires, and needs.

But it can be so wonderful to receive a gift! Especially if gift is something you've been yearning for or needing.

And one should always accept gifts and give gifts FREELY.... without any strings attached.

If a gift giver gives you a gift, FREELY, then it belongs to you and only you. You can do with it whatever you want! It's yours; you own it now. It's now your property!

But on other hand, if gift giver gives you a gift with strings attached, then they really didn't give you a gift.

You know your gift has strings attached if gift giver:

>>Expects you to keep it forever. >>Expects to see you enjoying, using, or displaying their gift. >>Asks, "Where is such and such?" >>Asks, "Why don't I ever see you using such and such?"

Instead of a gift, they've given you fear, guilt, and a burden that you must keep their gift, carry it around, and display it.

Many fear they must hang onto gifts given to them. Even if never used. Even if they don't like it. Even if it doesn't fit their needs. Fearing by giving it away they will betray gift giver...guilt! So they continue to hang onto those gifts, even if that person is no longer in their life! Oh power they have over you.

Many times, as we get older, it's hard for others to know what to give us. Especially if you just tell them, "nothing," or "I really don't need anything," when asked what you'd like.

With responses like that gift giver has no way of knowing what you really want. And besides that, it puts them in an awkward position--What to buy you!

So gift giver buys you what THEY believe you might like or need, trying to please you, and by way, spending their hard-earned money on a "special" gift for you. Their perception of what you'd like or could use is their personal belief - not yours. Again, look at how much power you are giving a gift giver when you don't tell them what you really want!

Terry Cole-Whittaker states in her book, "What You Think Of Me is None of My Business," that there are only two types of guilt: "...real guilt and false guilt. False guilt is that guilt which is laid upon you by others in their efforts to control you and to make you responsible for their lives....Guilt-false or real-is a personal burden, it creates a vicious circle. To free yourself of guilt, you lay it on to others, who, in turn, give it back, and so on and on."

If you give away something that was given to you, and then gift giver makes you feel guilty, this is false guilt, in sense that you didn't do anything wrong by not using, displaying, or giving gift away that you should feel guilty about. It became your property, to do with what you want if given to you freely, when given to you. Period!

The next time a gift giver asks why they don't see their gift or you ever using it, then you'll know gift wasn't given FREELY.

Do you ever look for gift or inquire about a gift that you gave someone? Do you do same thing to others when you give gifts, making them feel guilty? Be aware, and stop asking. Give your gifts freely, no strings attached, no preconceived notion that they will keep and use gift forever.

Did your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, and friends give you their personal belief system regarding gifts, such as NEVER EVER get rid of a gift given to you? Sure they did and they might still!

You may be carrying around other's personal beliefs that are causing these guilty feelings:

When you were a young child, did someone scold you because you voiced your opinion of an unwanted gift or of not getting what you really hoped or asked for?

In one of many exercises, Dr. Phil talks about "tapes" playing in our heads: "Think of a big tape player in your head playing a continuous loop. The message that is repeated over and over becomes so well learned that it becomes an automatic belief. It's time to go into slow motion for a few minutes and get in touch with what you've been telling yourself. It's time to talk about your tapes."

Dr. Phil then asks, "What are your tapes playing?"

So I want to ask you: =>What tapes are running through your head regarding your clutter, possessions, and stuff?

=>What tapes are running through your head regarding your hoarding or packrat of things?

=>What tapes are playing in your head that cause you to continue to bring unnecessary items into your life?

=>What tapes are running through your head when you continue to buy, buy, buy?

=>What tapes are playing in your head when you continue to add more to-do's to your list?

Maybe.... ...You grew up during The Great Depression Era where a piece of twine was as valuable as a piece of fresh fruit and was told that you must save EVERYTHING!.

...You were told to never throw anything away that still had "life" in it, "just in case," or it's still good for something.

...You were told to NEVER part with a gift given to you - that you must always keep that gift out where giver will always see it.

...You feel you're not good enough for anybody or anything and your possessions temporarily fill your emptiness.

...You are buried in pain and sadness from past.

...You feel shame, failure, or embarrassment from all your clutter and hoarding.

...You feel unimportant or undesired.

OR MAYBE you were told you would NEVER have anything!

Then you're A VICTIM

Dr. Phil goes on to say that we need to name our pain, reveal pain so we can move forward. We have all been a victim of something. Some wrong doing to our bodies. Some wrong talk of our being. Some injustice to our way of thinking or dealing with stuff.

Discovering who or what victimized you can be a powerful release for you, but how do you find it?

Try answering questions below honestly and to best of your ability. Write your answers out. Let pain and sadness pour out on paper. Cry, scream, let it out, and let it go!

=>Who might have hurt you or what deep sadness have you been carrying around? =>What are you keeping locked up deep down inside you? =>What secrets are you carrying around with you and possibly using your "stuff" to hide behind? =>When are you going to open up to yourself? Will today be day? =>When were you a victim? =>What was done or not done to you? =>What was given or not given to you? =>What was said or told to you over and over again? =>Where is all anger, fear, and pain coming from? Is it something you've never dealt with? =>Why won't you talk to yourself or someone about it? =>How are you going to deal with it?