Sexually Addicted? 10 Important Questions to AskWritten by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
There are many things in our culture that grab us and won't let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that's case for you or your spouse/partner.
Sexual addiction plays a prominent role in "I Can't Say No" kind of extramarital affair I outline in my E-book, "Break Free From Affair."
These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at place of sex in your life.
1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with wrong people?
2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?
3) Have I lost count of number of sexual partners I've had in past 3 years?
4) Do I have sex regardless of consequences (e.g. threat of being caught, risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc.)?
5) Do I feel uncomfortable about my masturbation, fantasies I engage in, props I use, and/or places in which I do it?
Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful FeelingsWritten by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
When you find out about affair, first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times.
1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you.
2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in eye, nod your head and listen."
3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put writing in a safe place or destroy it.
4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there.
5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil.