Sex With Your ExWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
The death of a marriage must be mourned like any other lost relationship. It is often experienced as a death of family, of commitment, hope, or a dream. Dreams die-hard as there is nothing tangible about them and no place to put “body.” When one is a widow or a widower entire world knows you have experienced a death and there are rituals to help you go through grieving process. When you get divorced, few who haven’t been there realize suffering you go through and support is often brief or completely lacking. This is a time to reach out for help. Perhaps you should seek a divorce group, professional help, or spend time with really good friends?
SEX WITH YOUR EX
You’ve gotten a divorce and you are sure you never want to see your ex spouse again. Sex was never real problem anyway, and certainly not fundamental reason for divorce. Then one night you get together and have dinner to talk about kids. You’re feeling lonely and your mind goes blank unable to remember many bad times you had together. Now what was so awful about your ex anyway? Why did you get divorced? The next thing you know one thing leads to another and you’ve gone to bed together. Maybe this even happens more than once. You begin to wonder if there is anything wrong with this pull back to old and familiar. After all you have nothing else in works right now anyway.
Going to bed with your ex is a lot more common than most people realize. A lot of divorcing partners have sex with their ex or soon to be ex at least once, usually, within a four to six month period after leaving when emotions are running up and down like a jumbo roller coaster ride. But, emotions involved with this kind of sexual encounter are quite different from those of a constant relationship belonging to a loving married couple.
Some individuals go to bed with their ex viewing experience as “one last goodbye,” others as a way to convince themselves that what they thought always worked in their relationship really isn’t same anymore. And, still others see it as a safety net, satisfying their sexual need without having to maintain total relationship.
The Death Of A ChildWritten by Dr. Dorree Lynn
There may be nothing in life as devastating as death of a child. Elders are supposed to pass on before their young. After all, that is nature's law. Yet, “Death hath no dominion.” And, life is not always fair.
The death of a young child is single most powerful predictor of divorce. This is true because a parent's grief knows no bounds. Self-incrimination creeps in as does blame. Depression and desperation are common aftermaths of such an event. Most parents' natural instinct is to want to protect their young; to love, to nurture, and to help them grow. When a child dies, one's world tends to fall apart. Whether one believes in God or not, always there is a depression and anger, questioning and doubt before a parent can come to resolution and move on.
I have lived through too many such events, and sat with and known too many parents with shattered lives, not to know and understand process. One must be brave, committed and usually seek help to survive as a loving couple.
Recently I was witness to one more family needing to find a way to survive their child's death. Only he wasn't a child anymore to anyone except his parents. In fact, this lovely young man in his early twenties was with his fiancée on way to city hall to get their marriage license. They were looking forward to a life of “for better or worse” and maybe even one of “happily ever after.”
Very much in love, they were taking train to their destination. He became ill and went to break between cars to get some air. Suddenly, he fainted and fell to tracks. Chaos ensued. His fiancée has grieving and healing of her own to do. And, his parents, so filled with hopes of their own, a wedding to plan, visions of grandchildren, and a new generation to play with are now in mourning. Grieving, only as parents can.