Sex Toy For Mom

Written by Tim Mack


I guess I did a lot of stupid things when I was a Kid. But buying my Mom a battery powered vibrator, had to be atrepparttar top ofrepparttar 109870 list of stupid things I did. Of course, I had no idea what I was buying her atrepparttar 109871 time.

Well let me explain. When I was a kid, I would go to these auctions looking for things for my Science projects and everything was bid on so you knew how much it was going to be if you put a bid in on something. So that day I had found a few things I could use for my Science projects, so I started heading outrepparttar 109872 door.

As I was walking outrepparttar 109873 door, I could hearrepparttar 109874 auctioneer saying. "And this next item can give you a great massage."

Then I remembered that my Mom said a few days ago that she wished she could get a massage for her stiff neck.

So, I thought. "Christmas is coming soon, this might be a nice gift for Mom."

Then I heardrepparttar 109875 auctioners voice say. "Doesn't anyone else want to bid on this massager?"

So I raisedrepparttar 109876 bid by 25 cents more, no one else put another bid in for it, so I gotrepparttar 109877 thing.

I noticed I got a few funny looks fromrepparttar 109878 people atrepparttar 109879 auction.

But I thought. "They're probably wondering what I'm doing atrepparttar 109880 auction."

I wasrepparttar 109881 only Kid there, and I was still in grade school.

So, I got home, and wrapped up what I thought was just a massager for your neck or something and put it underrepparttar 109882 tree for Mom. Of course I was a bit perplexed whyrepparttar 109883 bottom edge was so rounded.

Clap Your Hands

Written by Tim Mack


Did anyone ever notice that "Clap Your Hands" commercial on TV? I'm just so glad its finaly offrepparttar air. I just couldn't watchrepparttar 109868 commercial without cracking up.

It makes me laugh because of Singapore. One day I got into a cab with two of my friends, and one of my friends had a bad backache, so he toldrepparttar 109869 Singapore Cab driver to take us somewhere where you could get a good back rub.

Sorepparttar 109870 driver takes us to this place thats way ofrepparttar 109871 beaten track, and then points at a staircase to go up. So we walk up this staircase, and we see this Lady standing there, and there is only one table.

She motions us to sit down, and then she brings us all a beer.

Then she stands next torepparttar 109872 table and says. "What can I do for you?"

My friend explains to her that. "The Cab driver said you could get a good back rub here."

She smiles and says yes. "We haverepparttar 109873 best here."

Then she claps her hands and a curtain opens. The open curtain reveals a whole bunch of women standing there in skimpy outfits.

My friend says. "No not that."

Then she claps her hands, and another curtain opens up revealing more women in skimpy outfits.

Then my friend says. "My back aches, thats all, I have on my mind."

Then she claps her hands again, and allrepparttar 109874 women behind curtain number one start to take off their skimpy outfits.

My friend says. "No, just a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again, and allrepparttar 109875 women behind curtain number two start taking all their skimpy outfits off.

Then I said to her. "You don't understand, my friend only came here for a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again, and this totaly naked women jumps up onrepparttar 109876 table and starts wrapping her thighs around my neck.

I said. "No, back rub, just a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again. "And says okay back rub."

I said. "Yes, back rub."

Then she claps her hands again andrepparttar 109877 woman starts taking my shirt off.

I started to say to her that. "Its my friend that wantedrepparttar 109878 back rub and not me."

But I could see she was ready to clap her hands again. So, I just said. "Okay." Affraid of what would happen next if she claped her hands again.

So now this woman is giving me a back rub, and my friend says torepparttar 109879 Lady. "What aboutrepparttar 109880 two of us?

So of course she claps her hands again, and one woman rushes over, and then she claps her hands again, and another woman rushes over. Thenrepparttar 109881 Lady claps again, andrepparttar 109882 woman that was rubing my back walks away.

So, I'm thinking good. "The Lady has everything figured out at last."

So I gulp downrepparttar 109883 rest of my beer, thinking that my friends will just get their back rub now, and then we can get out of this strange place.

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