K. Raines

When she was young enough to know some, but not all, about adult world with its mysteries of sexuality, my daughter, in midst of a seemingly unrelated conversation about pets asked: “Mom, can old people still do ‘it?’ You know they are smelly and their skin sags. How can they?” Her nose wrinkled with disgust and horror of whole idea.

Moms need to be quick on their feet in response to their kid’s questions. I took a long deep breath, I needed time to think. Understanding her dilemma, I answered, “Well, “God or nature, or universe is very smart. As we age, our eyesight goes, and our touch sort of slows, and body shapes don’t matter quite as much. Some how it all works — it does work a little differently, though — but it does work. She looked at me quizzically, tucking information away to be considered another time. And, she just as quickly returned to our discussion of pets. She seemed at peace with my response---for time being.

Frank, at 21, is savvy, tall, sexy, a “hunk” who knows all about sex’s magic elixir. At 21, he struts his stuff when he enters a room, testosterone-sure, confident that he can attract a girl to bed that night, or any night he wishes. No one has to tell him he is in his sexual prime; his healthy body and heads that turn as he walks down street are constant affirmations of his self-image. Deep down, he believes that he is very first to have discovered that awesome magnetic force that has, in fact, drawn sexes together since beginning of time.

Frank, son of a friend of mine, is a thoughtful and fun loving college student. As is true of other young people, he cannot talk about, nor even think about, anyone over fifty having sex. One day as we were lunching together, I directly raised topic: What do you think of people over fifty having sex? Eyes instantly averted and nervous laughter, much feet shuffling, lots of coughing and a sudden need to get away. Like his peers, he’ll avoid topic if he possibly can.

Dreams of perfect family dinners with everyone sitting down delighting in each other's company remain with us as we go “brain dead” and forget fight we had with Uncle Joe two years ago and reality that we can't stand Aunt Liz's two bratty kids. We try to ignore or we harbor resentment about events such as year dog bit your cousin and you remembered all too late that you were allergic to cats and that your grandmother had two.

December is often a very stressful and sad month, when all while we hear jingle bells and are told how happy we will be. Real families are complex, composed of different personalities and values. Sometimes they really are able to get along for extended periods of time. Other times, differences are too pronounced and being “flesh and blood” isn't enough to make everyone get along or even like each other.

Additionally, there are so many divorced families, single families and blended families that longed for image of Norman Rockwell's traditional family is rapidly fading. Children have to be shared and shunted between households. Families splinter and new mates appear. Religious and political beliefs differ and all while everyone gets exhausted from working so hard to get along.