I imagine you answered “yes” to this. It seems like there’s always someone “bugging” us. Well let’s take a look at this. “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself,” wrote
author Hermann Hesse. “That isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
Hesse calls it “hating” other person, but your reaction can be milder, such as annoyance, disgust, dislike, or a general feeling of wanting to be elsewhere. It’s likely when you feel these things, if you handle situation with your Emotional Intelligence, you can learn some important things about other person, your emotions, and also about yourself.
Typically we clash with people who are like us in some way, or exhibiting some trait we ourselves have trouble with, and this triggers emotions that need looking at. Emotional Intelligence is all about being aware of your emotions, understanding where they’re coming from and what information they’re trying to give you, and then thinking it through before you respond (or not).
Next time you’re with a person who annoys you stop and process what’s going on. If you think they’re “pig-headed” for instance, could this be because you are, or were, or are struggling with this trait in yourself?
If you think they’re “scattered and disorganized” could this be because you work so hard to keep yourself focused and organized and don’t like to be reminded about how hard it is?
The trick – learning point – is to sit with emotion and explore it a bit. Be honest with yourself about where it’s coming from. When you think about it, if you weren’t pig-headed or scattered in least, your reaction to someone who was would be of either compassion or curiosity. You might wonder how they got that way, or be eager to teach them how to conduct themselves in a manner that was more productive. Instead, if you know trait all too well, it’s pulling on something inside you, and this is one of ways our emotions give us information.
