Now let's not fall into old style car salesman's trap of believing that men are interested in what goes on under bonnet and women are only interested in what colours you can get and whether it has a vanity mirror. Believe me, and I speak as an ex mechanical engineer, I couldn't give a toot what goes on under bonnet. I'm much more interested in driving a car that matches rest of my accessories. You know-silver car - silver watch - silver hair. Mind you, I draw line at one of those little four-wheel drive jobs with yellow wheels and pink upholstery. I've seen a lot of men driving these fluffy little things and don't tell me they all belong to wife or girlfriend. "Four-wheel drive off roaders"-they probably couldn't pull you out of bed.

Anyway we all have male and female customers and clients and they do need different handling. If you want to be successful at selling or negotiating with someone of opposite sex then please be aware of differences. Firstly, be you male or female, you've got to look part. Women will look you all over, men won't. Women will notice whether you have shiny shoes and clean fingernails, men won't notice if you have on one brown shoe and one black or if your fingernails are bitten up to elbow.

I once interviewed a lady for a job and I didn't notice she had different shoes on. Turns out that, in her rush to get to interview she slipped on two black but certainly different shoes. However my female colleague noticed right away and thought whole thing quite amusing.

If you are a man negotiating with a woman, be very aware of what you say because women listen much better than men, they pick up on emotions. They will pick up much better on whether you really believe what you are saying. Also, make sure you keep talking, don't stop just because woman starts examining product or reading literature. Women can multi-track, they'll be listening to you even although they're taking product apart or writing something in their diary.

A warning to a woman selling or negotiating with a man, he can't multi-track. If man starts doing something else, stop speaking until he's finished. If you don't believe any of this then just consider a time when you've watched TV with your partner. Men stare at television giving their whole concentration to programme while women read a book, paint their toenails and watch programme. Men haven't foggiest idea how women can do this.

Based on his most recent e-mail, "Everything looks good -- I'll get back to you so we can move this forward"--everything points to a probable sale. You feel so relaxed, happy, and hopeful. Then a couple of days go by with no phone call or e-mail. You tell yourself, "He's probably busy. I know he'll get in touch tomorrow." But tomorrow comes and goes with no word.

You start to panic. Your self-talk turns negative: "I can't believe this...This is really starting to hurt...He let me believe it was a sure thing...I trusted him...now he's disappeared on me, and I was counting on this sale..." The relaxed, happy feeling is gone. You've fallen victim to "hopeium " again.

Have you been in this situation before?

Of course you have--we all have, and it's painful. So, can you keep from getting dropped? Yes--With new mindset, you can abandon salesperson role and come from a place of integrity that stems directly from your personal brand that doesn't compromise your authentic self. This opens communication with your potential clients so you can learn truth about their situation--and that's what you always want.

These suggestions will help:

* Don't assume sale. Potential clients are used to traditional buyer-seller relationship, so they may decide not to tell you things that might make them vulnerable to you. Until you're sure you know complete truth, you can never assume sale.

* Keep making it easy for potential clients to tell you their truth. Toward end of your conversation, ask, "Do you have any more questions?" If potential clients say no, follow up with 100-percent-final truth-gathering question: "Now, are you 100 percent sure that there's nothing else that I can do on my end to make you feel more comfortable with this situation?" You'll be amazed how often people then say, "Well, actually, there is one more issue..." And it's at that point that you really start to hear their truth.