Self EsteemWritten by Sheri Bardo
Self Esteem, how does one find it, low self esteem, how does one get it?
Esteem: (definition according to Websters Dictionary) to value, appraise, estimate, to have great regard for; value highly; favorable opinion, high regard… To have low self esteem is to not value, or have high regard for yourself. People with low self esteem never feel in charge of their own lives. They often feel like victims. They feel like outsiders, left out, unimportant, etc.. However low self esteem has two faces. One is personality that seems to always be underdog, under achiever, negative one, one who says I can’t, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, I have to. The other face is person who seems very confident, a take charge type of person, very in control, very opinionated, positional, and often in leadership positions. All of this bravado is still a face of low self esteem. This type of person, may exhibit any or all of these traits: when things go wrong, wants to eat other people alive, or is a perfectionist, demanding, and self centered, can’t take criticism, instruction, or direction, is very independent and self sufficient. They may be in leadership positions, and yet not be true leaders. This type of low self esteem will often deny that anything is wrong, because thinking they are in charge is their protection, yet truly being in charge of your life, eliminates anger, irritation, desire to control others. When a person truly esteems themselves, will take 100% responsibility For their own lives. They let others make decisions for themselves without trying to be in control, and let others be responsible for their actions. Life lived right is a delicate balance, and we all need help maintaining this balance. What is face of true self esteem? Those with true self esteem are in charge of their lives. They take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in their lives. If relationships are not working in their life, they ask, what is it in me that is attracting this type of person or what am I doing to create this situation, instead of blaming other
AWARENESSWritten by Sheri Bardo
"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." -- James Thurber
"Like a fish suddenly made aware that it is swimming in water, I found every aspect of my perception changed." Author Unknown
How many of us live in a state of real awareness? Most of us are aware of outward feelings. We to often go about our lives never going much deeper than what we see and feel on surface. We are aware that we feel anger at someone or something, or that we have a worry or fear of some coming event or circumstance. But how many of us live in awareness and understanding of where that anger, worry or fear really comes from. How many of us really go deep enough to be present enough and in touch enough with our emotions to understand what makes us act and react way that we do?
Websters Dictionary defines awareness as: on ones guard, vigilant, knowing or realizing, conscious or informed. To be aware implies having a knowledge of something through alertness in observing or in interpreting what one sees, hears, feels, etc. Consciousness implies awareness of a sensation, feeling, fact or condition etc. and recognition or focusing of attention on
To be consciously aware of what is really causing us to act and react way we do takes a willingness to explore inner self and discover inner beliefs that are causing us to feel and act way we do in a present situation. It takes a willingness to be “aware” on a deeper level.
For years, I have struggled with finances and feelings of lack. I felt I was a victim of outside circumstances. In my business endeavors I would progress well, then something would happen, something seemingly beyond my control. As I began going deeper on a quest to discover who I really was, I learned that I was sabotaging my own financial success and prosperity. I sat in meditation one morning asking why. When I had need of things and especially if I had a desire why was there that catch in my heart that just couldn’t believe it would be provided or that I had what it takes to succeed beyond ordinary. Suddenly a picture appeared in my mind of me at 2 1/2 when my mother died. It was sudden and unexpected, a blood clot to her heart. When it happened, I was kept separated from procedures, grieving, funeral, and life with my father for some time afterward. I was sent to my grandparents while my father sorted through his life. I realized I had formed a belief that I didn’t matter or my father wouldn’t have sent me away to my grandparents when I need him. These beliefs of course were not true, but with my limited experience of life and knowledge, I came to believe them.
Without even realizing it I had formed a belief that I was not worthy of best, worthy to have what I really wanted because I wasn’t important or my dad would have wanted me with him. When I returned home 3 months later from my grandparents, my dad had a new wife with grown children who had children my age. I felt I had been replaced and I felt like an outside. This was my perception as they did not treat me like an outside. My Father never was emotionally available to me as I grew up and died a few years ago without us ever having been close. I formed a belief that my needs were not important or he would have wanted to have a meaningful relationship with me. I know now it was his perception of life and himself that kept him from a relationship with me, it was not really about me. To add to my mis-beliefs, I formed belief that no one could be trusted. My stepmother was demanding, at times critical, manipulative and guilt producing. I formed beliefs that I was not important, that love had to be earned and was conditional , and that it was assumed that I would do wrong thing. Because my parents, were not able to accept me for who I was because of who they wanted and needed me to be, It re-enforced my earlier false belief of not being important or good enough. None of this was intentional on behalf of my parent, for they were doing best they could with beliefs they had formed as children about themselves and life just as I had done. We form false beliefs about ourselves as children we carry them into our adult life. Once I made connection to these beliefs, and realized they were a “created” reality and not truth, my financial picture began to change. My business shot forward with new energy and creativity. In fact my vision and dreams took on new dimension and solidity. I realized my dreams were possible, and that it was OK to dream big.
One must go within and uncover these false beliefs in order to be set us free from a limiting belief system that will only hold us back. Inside each of us it unlimited creativity, beauty and capacity for living a rich full life in love, peace and joy. “The only way out is through” Robert Frost
Sheri Bardo / Life Coach www.authenticallyu.com
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"A person only begins to become person he wants to be when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for hidden justice which regulates his life." ----------------------------------------------------------------
I had to look up meaning of word revile because I've never seen it used. It means to condemn, despise, berate. I didn't have to look up meaning of word whine - in fact I'm sure some of my friends have sometimes wanted to ask me if I "wanted some cheese with that whine?"
When we whine and revile we give power to that which we revile and whine about. We cease to be in charge of our life. I love way that Wayne Dyer describes it in "You'll See It When You Believe It." He says, "I no longer view world in terms of unfortunate accidents or misfortunes. I know in my being that I influence it all, and now find myself considering why I created a situation, rather than saying, "why me?" This heightened awareness directs me to look inside of myself for answers. I take responsibility for all of it, and interesting puzzle becomes a fascinating challenge when I decide to influence areas of my life in which I previously believed I was not in control. I now feel that I control it all."