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Title: The Secret of Self-Esteem Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 723 Category: Emotional Healing
The Secret of Self-Esteem Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.
Some of common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:
• I will feel good about my self when I’m making $______(fill in amount) a year.
• I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.
• I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.
• I will feel adequate when I have a baby.
• I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).
However, there are many people who have all of above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That’s because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby.
Self-esteem, or lack of it, is solely result of how we treat ourselves. Those people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves, while those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs feel badly about themselves.
For example, Anna grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who didn’t take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn’t eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of time. Even though her parents were loving to her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She doesn’t eat well or get enough exercise, doesn’t stand up for herself at home or at work, and doesn’t get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure.
