Create and Maintain a Conscious Love Relationship
Robert Elias Najemy
Part 1 of a 3 part series
We present you with a brief outline of some basic points necessary to tend to in order to create a harmonious and loving relationship.
Internal preparation is prerequisite for developing maturity necessary to succeed in creating a conscious loving union with our love partner. (Although we are discussing here specifically romantic love relationships, most of what is being said is also useful for other relationships.)
a. Clarify Values, Needs, Life Style:
The more mature we are when we enter a relationship, more likely we are to succeed in finding harmony we desire. In general, we attract persons who correspond to our present stage of interests, motives, values, goals, etc. This occurs through attraction of similars and also opposites. As we ourselves mature and become more aligned to our true selves, we will attract people who are aligned to our true needs and goals.
We would do best to begin a process of self-knowledge and determine what we really want out of life. We need to clarify our values, needs and preferred life style. Having done so, we will then attract a partner with whom we can share whatever is important to us.
b. Learn to love yourself:
If we do not believe we are lovable, it is unlikely we will attract a mate who will abundantly express love to us. We attract those who will reflect to us very same feelings we harbor for ourselves. Even if other does not reject us, we will frequently project or imagine that he or she is doing so.
We exhaust our partners with our need for continuous reaffirmation of their love. When we doubt our self-worth, we easily fear losing other?s respect, admiration and love. We fear losing other to someone else. We then become negative, possessive, jealous and often so overbearing that we suffocate other until he or she does actually leave or develops various protective mechanisms, such as aloofness or aggressiveness.
When we doubt our self-worth, our need to be accepted and affirmed by our partner often causes us to deny our own feelings, needs, beliefs and values. We try to become who we believe other wants us to be. We cannot bear for other to be dissatisfied or angry with us. We are afraid we are at fault or that other will leave us.
c. Develop Inner security.
If we believe that we are not safe alone in world without our partner, we are denying our real selves, our real power, and our spiritual nature.
I have heard a number of women confess that they have stayed with their husbands, who were cheating on them for years, not because they loved them, or believed they would ever change, but because they feared being alone, especially economically. These women are bartering their self-respect and happiness for a false sense of security.
It is essential that we build our feelings of self-worth and inner security so we can love other without becoming dependent upon him or her. In this way, we will be more alive and truer to ourselves in relationship. Only in this way can we be with other because we love him or her and not because we fear being alone.