Saying "Yes" (so they won't know it's no) ~ guiding behavior for peaceful parenting ~Written by Stephanie Olsen
After this afternoon's fiasco, I've developed a new parenting philosophy: never deny your child anything."Yes, darling, of course you can take drugs (after you kill me and do away with my body)." "Sure, dear - do start smoking! As soon as you've eaten these three packs of menthol cigarettes..." "Of course you can have a chocolate bar, baby. When you're finished that broccoli, we'll walk over to store and buy one." "You sure can go outside honey! Once we're done picking up your toys, we'll play on swings together." Keep direct negative replies at bay unless it's imperative such as in a potentially dangerous situation. A curbside "Mommy, can I cross street by myself?" needs to be dealt with instantly and distinctly. Discussion and education can take place later. Of course, you've got to be right on ball otherwise it's quite possible that you may inadvertently agree to bungee-jumping directly vacuuming is done. If you've erred, back-up here to is belly laugh loudly (holding your sides for further effect), wipe your eyes and say: "My, my! I'm just being so silly today!"
| | Olivia's 5 and Learning Emotional IntelligenceWritten by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
Olivia and I returned from going to rodeo, and we’d been talking about going swimming. “That would be fun,” I said. “We’re hot and sticky. Let’s ask your Dad if you can.”When we got to house, Olivia ran ahead of me. While I was talking to her Dad, she came running out in her swimsuit. “We’re going swimming!” she said, bouncing up and down, “We’re going swimming!” You can imagine what transpired. She’d been told she couldn’t go swimming, and had done an end-run around Nana. She had to go to her room and take off her swim suit, and she was inconsolable. I helped her get dressed, while she sobbed. I commiserated with her sadness and anger, supported her father’s decision, and agreed with her it was sad, sad. I’d been looking forward to it myself and it isn’t always easy for me to accept my son as a higher-authority than me! I didn’t like his reason why she couldn’t go, so was dealing with my own stuff, looking for a distraction.
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