You don’t really hear word “assertive” that much anymore, although it was a real catchphrase in 80’s and 90’s. I have written many things in past few years on this subject, but I always called it “personal power”. Turns out, these two subjects are virtually interchangeable. When you become assertive in a healthy way it is taking back your personal power. Being assertive in a healthy way requires boundaries. It is a: “I will go just this far but no farther” sort of thing.

Boundaries are very personal. Where one person needs a boundary may be much too close for one person, or much too far away for another. Ever within one individual, what is a boundary in one situation is often neglected in another.

And, I also discovered that boundaries are very flexible things! I personally am quite good at holding my boundaries with my husband, yet I am not as good with them when it concerns my son. And yet my son is one who stomps all over my boundaries without a thought while my husband is respectful of them.

Point being, it is a lot easier to hold to your boundaries with someone who respects them, but when faced with opposition on an emotional level, boundaries are a lot harder to hold.

Too many people send their days trying to control uncontrollable. And exactly what is uncontrollable? It is anything that exists outside of ourselves. It is our significant others. It is our jobs, our co-workers and our bosses. It is our children, our parents, our siblings and our friends. In short, uncontrollable is life.

When we live our lives based on attempt to control behavior of others, we are wasting our valuable time and energy. Telling ourselves things like, “He will quit drinking because it means so much to me, and then everything will be fine.” “If I clean until house is spotless, this time my mother will not criticize me.” “If I just have everything perfect when he gets home, this time he won’t be verbally abusive.” “He is going to change this time.” And on, and on, and on.