PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on web sites provided attribution is provided to author, and it appears with included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Email notice of intent to publish is appreciated but not required.There are five techniques that I shall share with you. They have been proved to be effective in resolving, minimizing, and preventing conflicts. And by conflicts I am referring to any of following that take place between two or more people: misunderstanding, miscommunications, arguments, disagreements, mixed messages, fighting, etc.
A. I-Message: Use this approach to convey a message to someone when:
* your communication and that of other person might become hostile;
* communication might become a shouting match; or
* words might turn to physical confrontation.
Put an I-Message into action by following these sequence of steps:
1. Get his attention. (Call person by name.) "John, Bob, Sue, Mary, ..."
2. Identify your emotion. (Identify and name emotion you are feeling.) "I feel/am happy, angry, mad, excited, etc. ..."
3. Name his misconduct. (Identify behavior that is offensive.) " ...when you slam door, spill juice on clean floor, call me names, etc. ..."
4. State consequence(s). (Identify consequence that you wish him/her to change. And stop! Be extremely cautious not to ramble because by doing so you run risk of throwing a spark on cinders.) "... because it/you causes me to jump, have to remop floor, be disrespected, etc."
Putting it together it should sound like this: "John, I get angry when you slam door because it makes me jumpy." (Stop! Wait for a response!)
Research has shown that response is 95-98% non-confrontational or aggressive.) Remember: This approach lets person know that, although you disapprove of his (or her) behavior, you still care about him.