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There are five techniques that I shall share with you. They have been proved to be effective in resolving, minimizing, and preventing conflicts. And by conflicts I am referring to any of following that take place between two or more people: misunderstanding, miscommunications, arguments, disagreements, mixed messages, fighting, etc.
A. I-Message: Use this approach to convey a message to someone when:
* your communication and that of other person might become hostile;
* communication might become a shouting match; or
* words might turn to physical confrontation.
Put an I-Message into action by following these sequence of steps:
1. Get his attention. (Call person by name.) "John, Bob, Sue, Mary, ..."
2. Identify your emotion. (Identify and name emotion you are feeling.) "I feel/am happy, angry, mad, excited, etc. ..."
3. Name his misconduct. (Identify behavior that is offensive.) " ...when you slam door, spill juice on clean floor, call me names, etc. ..."
4. State consequence(s). (Identify consequence that you wish him/her to change. And stop! Be extremely cautious not to ramble because by doing so you run risk of throwing a spark on cinders.) "... because it/you causes me to jump, have to remop floor, be disrespected, etc."
Putting it together it should sound like this: "John, I get angry when you slam door because it makes me jumpy." (Stop! Wait for a response!)
Research has shown that response is 95-98% non-confrontational or aggressive.) Remember: This approach lets person know that, although you disapprove of his (or her) behavior, you still care about him.