Resistance to CelebratingWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Title: Resistance to Celebrating Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 720 Category: Emotional Healing, Relationships
RESISTANCE TO CELEBRATING Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Some people really love celebrations – birthdays, anniversaries, holidays – while other people seem to dislike them. Derek will tell you that he could go through life very nicely without celebrations. To Derek, celebrations are a bother, a nuisance. They are meaningless and commercialized, created by big business to make money. Derek does not want to fall into trap of being like everyone else.
Bonnie, Derek’s wife, is just opposite. She loves celebrations. She loves to buy just right gifts for people. She loves to celebrate people on their birthdays and anniversaries. She loves Thanksgiving, Christmas, as well as Chanukah, since she is half Jewish. To Bonnie, celebrations are times when she can express her love and appreciation for people and her gratitude for her life. Bonnie is sad that Derek doesn’t like to join her, and often feels lonely at holiday time because Derek is so resistant to celebrating.
How did Derek get this way? What causes him and others to dislike celebrations?
Derek grew up with a very controlling, invasive mother. She tried to control Derek in many areas – how he wore his hair, who he dated, how he spent his time, what courses he took in school, what major he had in college. In addition, she exerted much control over him during celebrations. Not only did he have to get her a terrific present, but whatever he got was never good enough. For Derek, celebrations were not fun at all.
Now, as an adult, Derek is in resistance to being controlled. He has transferred his anger and resistance toward his mother onto society and big business. Now it is society and big business that are trying to control him. Now, because he is an adult, he no longer has to give in as he did with his mother. Now he can resist being controlled.
Can You Control It?Written by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
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Title: CAN YOU CONTROL IT? Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Email: mailto:email@example.com copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com Word Count: 823 Category: Self-Help
CAN YOU CONTROL IT?
A tremendous amount of stress occurs when you don't understand and accept your limitations. When you attempt to control something in life that is not within your sphere of influence how do you feel and react? What is it like for you to experience powerlessness?
Can you control another's thoughts, behaviors and attitudes? Are you able to make it rain or snow? Can you make a family or friend's cancer go away? It may be easier to consider these questions from a detached perspective and say to yourself, "No, I certainly cannot control these areas." However, it's surprising how much of life folks struggle over which is not within their control. More often than not, you are not aware that you're lack of peace has to do with controlling or worrying about something outside of your grasp.
Independence worldwide is growing stronger, and what a fine attribute to claim for yourself. Yet, as in many of ways people and nations grow, pendulum often swings too far. Nowadays it's considered a character flaw if you cannot control everything. Ever look at a parent and their child in public and think, "Boy, I sure wish she'd get control of HER child!" How much control can or should a mother have over a 6 year old child?
There are many organizations, beliefs and traditions to draw from when seeking help in this area of your life. A powerfully wise tradition is 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. To not be an alcoholic makes you fortunate, however, I hope you've been lucky enough to discover wisdom of 12 Steps. And for our discussion, first step in particular. Let me list it for you here...
We admitted we were powerless over [alcohol] -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
I put word "alcohol" in brackets because you may place anything in that bracket you'd like to. In fact, my invitation is for you to test it out with a few of more nagging things in your life -- how about depression, anxiety, marital concerns, parenting issues, clutter, chronic pain...?
Attempting to control a thing in your life that is not yours to control will effectively make that, and other parts of your life, unmanageable. If you but ADMIT POWERLESSNESS in a heartfelt manner, much can be different for you. Here's catch though... If you admit powerlessness you may judge yourself as a failure or someone else may do it for you. It takes tremendous courage and humility to admit when something is out of your control.