Moreover, narcissist is a man for all seasons, forever adaptable, constantly imitating and emulating, a human sponge, a perfect mirror, a chameleon, a non-entity that is, at same time, all entities combined. The narcissist is best described by Heidegger's phrase: "Being and Nothingness". Into this reflective vacuum, this sucking black hole, narcissist attracts Sources of his Narcissistic Supply.
To an observer, narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous.
Pathological narcissism has been compared to Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder). By definition, narcissist has at least two selves, True and False ones. His personality is very primitive and disorganised. Living with a narcissist is a nauseating experience not only because of what he is but because of what he is NOT. He is not a fully formed human but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of ephemeral images, which melt into each other seamlessly. It is incredibly disorienting.
It is also exceedingly problematic. Promises made by narcissist are easily disowned by him. His plans are transient. His emotional ties a simulacrum. Most narcissists have one island of stability in their life (spouse, family, their career, a hobby, their religion, country, or idol) pounded by turbulent currents of a dishevelled existence.
The narcissist does not keep agreements, does not adhere to laws or social norms, and regards consistency and predictability as demeaning traits.
Thus, to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless, futile and meaningless activity. To narcissist, every day is a new beginning, a hunt, a new cycle of idealisation or devaluation, a newly invented self. There is no accumulation of credits or goodwill because narcissist has no past and no future. He occupies an eternal and timeless present. He is a fossil caught in frozen ashes of a volcanic childhood.
Refuse to accept such behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities.
One of favourite tools of manipulation in narcissist's arsenal is disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to slightest slight. He punishes severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor. He throws a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or he may act attentive, charming and seductive (even over-sexed, if need be). This ever-shifting emotional landscape ("affective dunes") coupled with an inordinately harsh and arbitrarily applied penal code are both promulgated by narcissist. Neediness and dependence on source of all justice meted on narcissist are thus guaranteed.
Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behaviour.
If you are up to inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.
Dehumanization and Objectification
People have a need to believe in empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanising and objectifying people narcissist attacks very foundations of social treaty. This is "alien" aspect of narcissists they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally non-existent, or, at best, immature.
This is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defences absolutely down, that they are most susceptible and vulnerable to narcissist's control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanisation and objectification.
Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail.
If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally).
Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is abuser's weapon.
Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal to first transgression.
Abuse of Information
From first moments of an encounter with another person, narcissist is on prowl. He collects information with intention of applying it later to extract Narcissistic Supply. The more he knows about his potential Source of Supply better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it "to cause". The narcissist does not hesitate to abuse information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature or circumstances in which he obtained it. This is a powerful tool in his armoury.
Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.
Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines.